Gruesome And Overly Done Tea Sandwiches

     Page Two Hundred Seventy-Two.
     The expression "tea sandwich" is merely a term for any fussy, little concoction of bread and filling or topping which you serve your guests to make them feel intimidated by your expertise. Nothing more, nothing less.
     Take any type of bread and fill it or top it with anything, trim off the crusts, or not, and cut it into shapes with your cookie cutter. Shapes which are quite common in parallel universes are best. Arrange onto a platter which was made in 1951 and serve with a smile which says, "there's no way you can do this better than me. I'm superior to you and I have more free time with which to prove it."
     Breads: rye, white, french (cut on the bias), pumpernickel..., home-made white to which food coloring has been added, crackers, etc.
     Fillings-Toppings:chopped egg, watercress, asparagus, caviar, tuna salad, tomato, colored cream cheese, pimiento, olive tapenade, radish, honey-baked ham, cucumber, etc.
     Plus: mayo, mustard, steak sauce, real flowers, parsley, etc.

 






















 May the Lord help you.

Quito. Chapter 17. The Reunion.

     Page Two Hundred Seventy-One.
     One hour and forty-four minutes later, Quito, Wanda, the four kids, the three brothers and a few guests were sitting together in the parlor sipping blue cream soda and munching on tea sandwiches: some watercress, some egg, some asparagus, some tomato, some caviar, all gruesomely fussy and overly done. The kids were at various times crying tears of joy at his return, giggling with happiness or hugging their dog to make sure he was really there. Meanwhile, Herb Alpert was blowing his trumpet on the Victrola and THX 1138 was on the TV. (There was no sound coming from the TV. The kids just wanted the visuals of the movie for atmosphere.) Everybody was smiling with glee at Quito's safe return, trying to figure out the doggy's plan of helping the world and chatting about Wanda's dubious invention.
     "I say, old chap, Is it really you?" asked redhead Prince Harry of The British Commonwealth who had never actually met Quito in person but had skyped with him on numerous times. He was there because he'd helicoptered into Shaker Heights to help look for the lost dog but was now sitting in an original, blonde, bent-wood Eames chair, chowing down on the bread crusts which had been trimmed away from the sandwiches while they were under construction, but of which he was fond.
     "I'm so glad to be home", arfed Quito in response. He was enjoying the pumpernickel sandwiches tremendously, though he still had a taste for Chicken Marsala. He decided to make some tomorrow.
     People weren't sure how to treat Wanda. They'd listened to Quito's plan for her to help him with his mission. But, they just couldn't get over what she'd done. That bad dog had put the children through misery, fear, fright and tremendous anguish. Nobody was sure they could get over it or forgive her. And they didn't seem to care much ether, though they tried not to make her feel uncomfortable. That would be rude and mean, almost like what she'd done to them and they didn't want to respond to one mean act with another mean act. So they were polite, but still... not quite themselves.
     "I got's ta admit, I gosh darn curious 'bout this 'vention of yourn which could transpert people ta diff'rent universeses. Does ya reckon I could see 't sometom?", asked Bill Gates, another person who flew in to help and was now scarfing down Fritos and French onion dip while sitting in an over-sized burgundy-hued leather wing chair.
     "Sure", responded the collie from seven feet away. (Everyone stayed a safe distance from Bill because he was wearing way too much Old Spice after shave, which he always did.)
     "Dude, I still don't get this plan of yours to use your powers to help people. I mean it's spiffy and totally tubular alright but how will you do it?" William asked that question.
     "I'm not sure yet. But I think it's why the universe saw fit to give me these powers. I don't think I got them by accident. I think I was meant to help people and with Wanda by my side, I should be okay. I don't know how to start, exactly. But I'll worry about that tomorrow."
     It was a very pleasant reunion and the only questionable incident came about when the three brothers moved all the parlor furniture into the hall, lifted up and removed the celery green carpet which exposed the shiny, slick, maple, parquet flooring, brought the furniture back in and rearranged it, all without asking permission. But it was an improvement, so people let it slide. 
     "Well, my, my, just look at the time? I do declare, I must be on my way, but I'm so glad that you're back home, safe and sound, Quito." Beyonce then placed her plate, with bread pudding crumbs on it, onto the antique, brass and glass cocktail table and excused herself amid shows of appreciation for arriving and helping to calm the kids.
     After that, the other guests also proceeded to leave and the house gradually calmed down a bit.

                       ******************

     Some hours later, Quito tucked in and kissed the children good night. He then put out Penny, the Maine Coon cat; turned off the Victrola, now playing Beastie Boys; left a note for the milkman to leave extra cheddar cheese and barked to himself, "how will Wanda and I  help people, anyhow? Hmmm... I'll ponder that tomorrow, I guess." Our hero contemplated his own existence for a while and then curled up on the L.L. Bean, evergreen scented, brown and green plaid, corduroy dog bed with extra fluffy padding and went to sleep.
     Who knew that tomorrow would answer it's own question?

     The End.

     Coming soon... The Adventures Of Quito And Wanda.

A Hair Trick #1 How to Absorb Less Chlorine

     Page Two Hundred Seventy.
     I really should have posted this trick at the beginning of summer, but, oh... well.
     The next time you go into a swimming pool, pre-wet your hair with tap water. Hair is like a sponge. It can only absorb so much liquid. If you pre-wet it with non-chlorinated water, then it can only absorb so much of the chlorinated. And there you go... less damage and less weird metallic-green color. If you live in the pool, you'll still have some weird color, but less.
 

The Bugatti Atlantic

     Page Two Hundred Sixty-Nine.

     This blog entry REALLY has nothing to do with anything. But, that's okay.
     I was recently asked which piece of art in the world I wish I could own and keep in my living room. After thinking for a few minutes, I replied a Bugatti Atlantic. Commonly regarded as one of the most beautiful cars ever made, 3 are known to exist and if 1 went for sale tomorrow, it would bring $40,000,000 or more.

     And if I had one, I most DEFINITELY would keep it in my living room.
     By the way, the Bugatti in these photos in owned by Ralph Lauren and has won numerous awards at car shows. I've been blessed to see it in person at it was in the Cleveland Museum of Art in the late '90's for a Bugatti retrospective. 

Knute Rockne All American - A review

     Page Two Hundred Sixty-Eight.

     Guess what movie I recently watched? If you guessed 1940's Knute Rockne All American, You're correct. My review? Here goes:
     It's really pretty good. But I LOVE sports movies, just love 'em. I don't typically enjoy watching sports on TV, but in movies? Can't get enough.The reason why is because sports flicks are always and I mean ALWAYS sentimental. And as I've written before, it's impossible for anything to be too sentimental for my taste. I believe sports movies are mushy because that particular brand of goo gives stereotypical, rough and tumble sports jocks an outlet to feel and express deep emotion. But no matter. I try not to judge.
     So then you toss is Ronald Reagan uttering his famous "win one for the Gipper". Yes indeedy, this is the movie which gave us that quote. Could the 1980's have existed without that line? I honestly don't think so. Regardless of how one may feel about Reagan, he was a thoroughly unexciting and unconvincing actor, which makes this film even more charming. One thing which did surprise me though is the shortness of RR's screen time. I bet we didn't see him but for five minutes. History would have us believe that he was s true co-star, which he wasn't.
     Pat O'Brien in the lead role isn't bad, allowing for the hamminess of that era's acting style, of course. (These were the days prior to "method acting" which is what modern audiences are used to.) All in all, it really is an entertaining flick.
     My review: 6/10

Fruit Salad Tricks

     Page Two Hundred Sixty-Seven.
     Making a fruit salad soon? I have a trick for you which will push your concoction over the top.
     First make a little marinade consisting of a little bit of hot water, say 1/4 cup or so. I don't now really, but that sounds about right. Then add a little vanilla extract, almond extract and some white table sugar. Stir this for a moment and pour over your fruit. Let it marinate for a bit and enjoy.  
     Also, if you add some unexpected things to your salad it will be gobbled up like there's no tomorrow. Specifically, add some chopped dates; flaked, sweetened coconuts; and some chopped walnuts.

Quito. Chapter 16. Getting Home.

     Page Two Hundred Sixty-Six.
     Wanda led Quito through the tiny door in the corner and up the small steps to the outside and into the bright, yellow sunshine.
     "Oh pish-posh, I don't believe this", Quito howled while looking around. He was in the beautiful, vivid, green side yard of the three brothers, next door to his own home. This entire time he was never more than 50 yards from the safe haven of his own hacienda. No wonder the odor was so distinctive. It was the same lemon-powered cleaning product they used. Or at least they used everywhere but in their basement which we've already established is an absolute disaster.
     "Your hideout is in their basement? Didn't they know you and your gang of hoodlums were down there?
     "No they didn't. Menatally, those three are out to lunch. While they've been renovating and re-renovatng their home for all these years, they never noticed the work I've been doing to clear out one room in their basement. My gang and I excavated the small steps and emptied then cleaned out that one area of their dungeon. We did all the work at night, by the light of the silvery moon." Wanda seemed very proud of herself.
     "You know, you're really a piece of work. If you put half as much energy into being nice as you do into being a menace to society, well... just imagine all the people you could help. With all your money, brains and energy you could donate to finding cures for illnesses, you could create scholarships to help children who can't afford school, you could help feed and clothe homeless people, you could do so many things to help this planet. But what do you do? You build a secret hideout with all this bizarre equipment to transport me to a parallel universe, which, by the way, I still need to hear the story of. "  Quito just couldn't get over her nerve.
     "Look here Quito, not everybody has had the breaks you have. Some of us had to resort to trickery just to survive. Don't ever judge someone 'till you've had to walk in their leash. Okay, fine. I'll admit that maybe I'm a little too evil sometimes. But that's no reason to accuse me of not caring for others. In fact, and, I'm surprised you didn't get this while you were mind probing me, I've set up an attractive retirement pension for all my hench-poodles and everybody else who works in my dental clinics. Not only that, but also every year I give all my employees a free case of turkey burgers at Thanksgiving and a gift card for $102.73 at Sunoco at Christmas. That's a lot more than many employers give out now-a-days. I know stories of great employees who get fired or who are forced to quit jobs just prior to receiving pension eligibility only because their companies want to save money from going to retirees. I don't do that. I'm an ethical employer. Why didn't you see that while you were violating my privacy with your ESP? HUH? So don't keep going on about my ruthless ways, you judgmental mongrel. You need to come down off your high horse a little" There was lightening and thiunder in her bark.
     Wanda was furious with what she saw as a double standard and she let him know it. She was more than happy to admit when she was being an evil, female dog, but she also wanted her credit too.
     Now, it was Quito's time to feel like a bad dog. "Sorry. I apologize." But he had no sincerity in his voice at all. Seems like our furry hero had a little problem with lack of humility. He thought he was perfect.
     Then they started screaming, fighting and howling at one another.
     "Look you num-nuts..."
     "Why you gopher nose..."
     "Don't even go there, bonehead..."
     "You monkey butt, you..."
     Then, in the middle of all this loud and ridiculous name-calling, which, quite frankly, wasn't getting anybody anywhere, "Quito! There you are!!! Good dog. Good dog." It was Judd. He was standing on the beige, sandstone terrace adjacent to his breakfast room, holding an antique parfait glass full of the best-looking fruit salad on the planet. It was rainbow-colored and even from the distance he was from the dogs, they could smell the luscious sweetness. It was topped with whipped cream and that white lusciousness set off the colors of the contents beautifully.
     Both dogs bounded the 10 feet over to Judd with tongues and tales wagging, hoping for morsels and treats. They seemed to forget that they were in the middle of a blow-out. Treats do that to a dog. (And some people.)
Continued next week... Chapter 17. The Reunion.

No, I'm Not That Old

     Two Hundred Sixty-Five.
     The other day, I was working in the museum when Harry and Sara walked by. I was their children's babysitter while in my late teens, prior to me being a live-in nanny. This was in the late '70's or early '80's. Sara was walking hand in hand with Jeffrey, her grandson. Mary and Christy are now how ever old they are, early 30's? When I worked with them, they were... well, Mary was a toddler and Christie was a newborn. And now Mary is a mommy herself.
     We all never completely lost track of each other through the years, but those are separate stories. I just looked at Sara and said, "No. This isn't possible."
     She replied, "Yes, it is". 
     I attempted to explain to little Jeffrey that when his mommy was his size, I was her babysitter. He kind of understood. I understand that I'm not that old.

An Emergency With A Twelve Year Old

     Page Two Hundred Sixty-Four.
     About 5 years ago, I began nannying two pre-teen boys. At the time, they were about 8 and 11 or so. I picked them up from school, drove them to various appointments, then brought them home and sometimes made dinner, 2 or 3 X per week. At the end of the first year, Mom decided she didn't need me anymore, seeing the boys get older. So she graciously let me go.
     Boys went on strike until Jeremy was reinstated. So he was. That school year, I was there about 2 X per week. Then, Mom let me go at the end of that school year. Again, boys rebelled. Again Mom re-instated me "on call". That satisfied the boys. I've been on call ever since.
     Let's be honest. Sometimes, you simply need and extra set of hands. Even if you work from home, or have 2 parents in the home. You occasionally just need an additional person. So she'd phone me, knowing that I had other jobs and may or may not be able to help out. The last couple of years, I've helped them out  2-4 X per year.
     About 1&1/2 years ago, I even attended grandparents day at school, so Eli wouldn't feel left out. (Grandparents could be replaced by parents or any other important person in the child's life. Neither parent could make it. So Eli thought of me, and Mom phoned. Who am I to say no to that?)
     So, a month ago, Mom phoned and explained that she was catching a plane to North Carolina at 5PM on a day a couple of weeks later, while ex-husband was due back at 6PM from Philadelphia on that same day. Would I pick-up Eli at 4PM from day camp, hang out, go for dinner and drop him off at Dad's when he got home about 7? (Meanwhile, Max, the 16 year old brother, is away at camp for the summer, so he isn't part of the equation.) Of course I would. Great.
     Mom phones the morning of and says she's catching an earlier flight. Would I pick up Eli at 3? Sure.
     I pick him up and he's thoroughly confused by my early arrival, but gets over it quickly. We drive home to Chagrin Falls, watch The Howling which I've brought with me, (my rating: 4/10)  and begin thinking about food for dinner. Then all heck breaks loose. I begin getting texts concerning Dad's delayed flight. Seems some pesky storm is grounding flights. (Those storms have some type of nerve, don't they?) Both parents are concerned and I tell Eli what's going on. He's not too upset. Then, we go for dinner.
     There's an Italian place near Eli's homes where neither one of us has ever been. So we go there. He has Fettuccine Alfredo with chicken which is very good and I get the Chicken Marsala which is wonderful. Dad phones again saying it's not looking good. Mom phones again, frantic. I remind both parents that I was a live-in nanny for 10 years for two different families. Between 2 pre-school girls and 3 adolescent boys, there's no childhood emergency that I've not already encountered. This may be new territory for them, but not for me. So what if my 3 hour stint turns into 20? If I did have plans I'd change them. Eli's top priority now. That soothes both of them tremendously.
     Eli and I go get some ice cream and walk around gorgeous, downtown Chagrin Falls, Ohio. We have great fun. We go to CVS so I can purchase a toothbrush, some floss and some razors 'cause it looks like I'll be staying over. We go back home and watch Attack Of The Giant Leeches, another DVD I've brought with me (my rating: 2/10) and find out that, indeed, I will be staying the night.
     Eli's a smidgeon anxious, but really, not much. I stay in his room while he falls asleep and all is right with the world. I sleep in Mom's room and watch TV from bed which, for me, is a luxury. At 11.30, Max phones to say "hi Mom". Boy is he surprised to hear my voice.
     Next morning, I wake up way too early and begin making preparations for French Toast. I wake up Eli at a civilized hour, he comes downstairs and while waiting for me to whip up breakfast, step-mom phones from Paris where she's seeing the sites with 2 of her 3 adult children. They talk for a while. Then he comes and has his morning meal. He's quite happy with my fare (add vanilla extract and cinnamon to your egg/milk mixture the next time you do French Toast. It's wonderful. Also heat up the syrup. It will elicit squeals of delight.)
     Mom phones me during breakfast to say that dad drove in to Cleveland from Philly, arriving in Chagrin Falls about 5 or 6AM. Who knows when I'm off the clock? He'll phone me upon consciousness and then I'll drop of his youngest child.    
     He phones at 10. It all works out fine. When the dust clears, both parents were very grateful. I was glad to help. 
     I'll tell you what else. A few years ago when Max had his Bar Mitzvah, Mom had to REALLY lobby to get me invited. Dad and step-mom didn't quite grasp how fond their boys were of me. In a coupe of months,when Eli steps up and becomes a man in the eyes of his religion, I'll bet you a million dollars, I'll be invited with no hesitation.         

Cedar Point - A Review

     Page Two Hundred Sixty-Three.

The Entrance circa 2005(?)

     I recently went to Cedar Point.  (One of the reason why I'm behind with my blogs. I lost a day there and a few days afterwards due to the recuperation process.) Let me tell you about it.
     I hadn't been to Cedar Point since the summer of '12 when I went with the real Thomas, Jackson, William and their father. (I was nannying that family at the time.) Dad felt he couldn't handle those three by himself so he asked for my assistance at Cedar Point, as well as at Great Wolf Lodge, an indoor water park ten minutes from CP, where we spent the next day. I had a blast. My job was to accompany William and do whatever he wanted. William, 8 years old at the time, and I were pretty much on the same exact page with almost everything, so we both had the time of our lives. (That's why I got him. Even though he's the youngest, he's the most fearless of the kids.)
     I didn't make it to CP last year, '13, but was determined to go this year. I asked, nay, bugged, many of my friends, but nobody could join me. Lost time from work, expense, fear of roller coaster, etc. were the excuses given. My friends just refuse to live on the edge. But then, a couple of weeks ago, I heard through the rumor mill that my nephew Michael and his girlfriend would be coming into town for a few days. Upon phoning him and confirming said rumor, I told him of my desires and he was totally on board. (You should know that Nephew Michael is one of this planet's all time coolest people.) I picked up Michael and Tricia from his sister's home (niece Heather and fiance Mark live very close to downtown Cleveland, 20 minutes from me) at 8.20 AM last Wednesday, July 9th and dropped them back off at  12.15 PM that night. I haven't been the same since.

     We walked into the entrance at exactly 10AM and exited at 10.50PM, driving out of the parking lot at 11.15PM. Though the park officially closes at 10, the CP law states that if you're in any line at 10, then you can proceed and drop to your death on that particular ride, regardless of how long the line takes, and we were in the 45 minute line for the Titanic Hindenburg 10,000 at 9.45. In a nutshell, we went on 23 rides, only taking 2 "picnic at the car*" breaks. We evaluated every single roller coaster in the park after riding it and took in 1 indoor show. We only purchased 1 food item, frozen custard, and 1 cup of pop. We probably walked about 5 miles by my best estimate and nobody got sunburned, thankfully.
     According to trade journals and amusement park enthusiast clubs, CP is considered the best amusement park on the planet and has been since the late '90's when those organizations began bestowing that honor. It really is over the top and aside from the extraordinary prices it is a great time.
     What's that you ask? Prices? Oh... do let me tell...
     Working at the museum, I got discount entrance tickets. Normally 60.00, I got ours for 45.00 which isn't bad. But then, there's the 15.00 parking, 4.00 for each of the two custards which we shared and 4.00 for the kiddie sized cup of pop. We figured out that the food prices in the park are roughly 3-4 X what they are outside the park, in the real world, or at least, Northern Ohio real world anyhow. (And for that ridiculous sum, the quality of the food isn't great. I find it greasy, and not in a good way and overly unhealthy, also, not in a good way. The custard is wonderful, though. That's why I wanted some. It's the world's best.) Being adults, we needed no souvenirs; so we didn't have to deal with that cost, thank heavens. God help budget-minded, middle-class parents when taking their little tykes to a place like this. Well, they simply can't do it.

     Overall, The ticket cost is somewhat reasonable, particularly if one can be had by the multitude of available discounts. But food and extraneous costs are shocking, so should be avoided at all costs. No pun intended.
     Concerning the rides: more fun than a barrel of monkeys. There are rides for all levels of fear: Cowardly Lion to Schwarzenegger and everything in between. Children's rides abound as do carnival-style games of skill and chance - another money killer which I avoid but I know some people like. There's also the petting zoo and numerous Broadway style shows. Plus, for the extra fee!, a water park and a couple of additional rides are adjacent to the park. There are enough things to do to last two days or even more. Which is why many choose to stay in one of the adjacent hotels and purchase a two day pass.
    Cedar Point is truly world class. Go sometime. My rating 10/10.



*My picnic cooler included:
freshly sliced:
roast beef
sliced pastrami
sandwich style pepperoni
honey-baked turkey
***
freshly sliced:
extra sharp cheddar
colby jack
swiss
***
1 pint of boiled shrimp
***
2 fresh loaves of bread:
challah
rye with seeds
***
1 quart of my homemade cole slaw
1 quart of my spicy, Mexican baked beans (I need to write that recipe in this blog sometime)
1 pint of olive medley (jumbo blue cheese stuffed, kalamata, pimiento-stuffed)

I pint of tomatoes - small heirloom variety)
1 pound of baby carrots
***

mayo
deli style mustard
steak sauce
shrimp sauce
***
2 pounds of fresh cherries
1 quart of dried fruit
1 quart of deluxe mixed nuts
***
2 bottles each:
Frosty brand root beer
Frosty brand blue cream soda
Goya brand ginger beer
Mexican-made Coca Cola (Mexican is made with cane sugar, not high fructose corn syrup)
***   
1 pound of peanut brittle
***
     I spread the blanket out on the ground between my car and the neighboring one. Then, I propped up a large umbrella and balanced it on the 2 corresponding side view mirrors, for shade.  Ms. Stewart herself couldn't have done finer, if I must say so myself.

Chicken Marsala

     Page Two Hundred Sixty-Two.
     Ever taste Chicken Marsala? Wow! It's good. I hadn't had any in a couple of years, but I had some recently. Oh my gracious, it was delicious. It's not really too difficult to make either. This recipe serves 2-4 depending upon how polite, large, hungry, old or picky your guests are. Of course you can double the recipe, or even triple it. But if you do, you may need to saute the chicken in batches.
                INGREDIENTS:
     two boneless, skinless, chicken breasts
     flour (1/2 cup?)
     salt
     butter (4 tablespoons?)
     olive oil (a few tablespoons?)
     one pint of mushrooms, sliced
     some Marsala wine (1 cup?)
     parsley to garnish, if desired

DIRECTIONS:

     First, carefully slice each flat breast across into two thin cutlets. Set aside.
     Then, mix some flour with a few pinches of salt in a pie plate.
     Then, dredge the cutlets in the flour and set aside again.
     Then melt the butter in a large saute pan over medium high, but not too high, and add the oil.
     Then, fry up the cutlets, until golden, being careful not to burn. Move the cutlets as little as possible, a few minutes on each side should do it.
     When the chicken is lightly browned, add mushrooms and saute for an additional moment or two until 'shrooms begin to brown.
     Then, pour in enough wine to cover, bring to a boil, turn down heat to simmer, cover and let cook 10(?) minutes 'till reduced a bit and chicken is nice and tender.
     Just too tasty to be true, but indeed, it is true.
     Serve, garnished with fresh parsley, next to broccoli or what-have-you. In Italian places this is often served with Fettuccine Alfredo, but that's just too heavy for my taste. You do whatever you want. Enjoy!!!    

Quito Chaper 15. Wanda's Sentence.

     Page Two Hundred Sixty-One.
     Quito barked: "I've been feeling that I've been letting my powers go to waste. I think I should be doing more to help others, but I'm not sure how, or where. I think I was given my powers for a reason, and I want you to help me."
     Wanda looked at him quizzically yet harshly simultaneously and said, "What are you? An idiot? How can I help you?"
     "First of all, no, I'm not an idiot and don't you ever call me or anybody else that ever again. It's extremely mean and unkind. And second of all, I'm not sure exactly how you can help. But I need to start aiding others more and you need to start aiding anybody who's not you. So I want you to be my cohort when I'm on a mission. This'll be a perfect match. We'll be a team like Batman and Robin, Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock, John Lennon and Paul McCartney or Hillary and Bill Clinton. You and I are going to be a canine Super-Team. How cool will that be?"
     Then Wanda began crying. Little, crystal-colored tears fell down her long, brown, regal, collie snout. This surprised Quito since he wasn't used to seeing villains cry. But he also knew why. She was so moved by his kindness, that her emotions were getting the best of her. He knew that she was so scared of her own feelings that she couldn't just graciously say "thank you". She'd spent so much energy and time over the years building up an emotional wall around herself that it was now as tall as the stately, beige, sandstone Terminal Tower and as wide as the maze-like, murky Cuyahoga River.
     Quito understood that some cats, dogs, tarantulas, porcupines and people feel so hurt by life events that they build up a protective barrier between themselves and others. They build this barrier, or wall, to keep themselves from getting hurt even more. They don't let anybody get too close. They don't tell people the truth about their own feelings. They don't trust anybody enough to tell hem when or why they're upset. Wanda was one of these dogs. She couldn't understand why Quito was being so nice to her. She rarely understand simple kindness because she'd seen so little of it in her life. So she started crying. But then she straightened up fast and got mean again.
     "Okay. Fine I'll help you do whatever you need. But don't expect me to be happy about it."
     Quito was perfectly unfazed by the idea of having a sidekick with an attitude problem. In fact, he thought it might add some entertainment and flavor to his missions (whatever his missions might end up being).
     But first things first... he wanted to get home and eat. (He had a real taste for Chicken Marsala.) And... speaking of which, where was he anyhow? And why did this hideout smell like lemon cleaner? And why was that odor so familiar?
     Continued next week... Chapter 16. Getting Home.  

A Trick For Really Great Italan Food

     Page Two Hundred Sixty.

     The next time you make Italian food, practically anything, grate a touch of fresh nutmeg into it. Italian cuisine has much more nutmeg than you may realize. Grate it into your Fettuccine Alfredo or your spaghetti with meat sauce or Bolognese sauce. When you make meatballs add some nutmeg to the mixture. Not too much mind you, just a nice pinch. Sprinkle some into your lasagne and of course, on top of your Tiramisu. It'll be great eating.  

Quito. Chapter 14. The Fight

     Page Two Hundred Fifty-Nine.
     Well, it wasn't so much of a fight as it was a run and hide; which our dogs did, in fright, for they'd never seen Seven Dwarfs before. You know how some poodles get. All bark, but no real bite. Some poodles bite, of course, adding salt, pepper and a little freshly ground nutmeg for flavor, but not these guys. They just yip and yap and hide behind furniture or human legs if a stranger approaches. In this case, they ran around and arfed obnoxiously as the dwarfs merely looked at them. But our dwarfs were also especially smart today, even Dopey. They brought with them a secret weapon to guarantee success with said trouble-making canines: doggie bags filled with leftover Empress Chicken from Hunan's. (It was Doc's idea.)
     They all, except Sleepy, opened their stapled, brown, paper bags, took out the round, black, plastic containers which looked like flying saucers, opened them and held them out. Once the doggies approached, sniffed the sweet/spicy/citrus concotion and started gulping, which didn't take but a moment, the dwarfs, except Sleepy, slowly backed out the tiny door which they came through and led the pups up and out. Meanwhile, Sleepy untied our hero in between yawns, then exited and joined his six best buds. And of our evil villainess? She just stood there, stunned and slightly scared by Dopey's lone tooth in the middle of his upper gum.
     So now it was only Quito and Wanda, alone in the room. Quito stared at her without blinking and began barking. "While I was in your head discovering that you were scared of the Seven Dwarfs, I learned some things about you, Wanda. And I just want to tell you that you don't have to be so scared of people leaving you. You don't have to pretend to be  tough just to protect yourself."
     Quito barked very quietly, just above a whisper. "I know that one day when you were a puppy you were playing with your mother and when you tossed the silver, plastic frisbee into the street, she chased it and got killed by that screeching, little, red Corvette. Even today, the smell of gasoline sometimes makes you cry. I know that nobody knows who your dad is. I know that you were passed from house to house during your puppy-time because you were so unruly, what with your incessant howling of loneliness and guilt. I know that you inherited the Villain Dental Clinics only because you became a waitress in a black and white-style diner; and you befriended Mr. Villain, your regular customer, before he died. He had no family so he left you his fortune. You only changed your name to Villain to enter high-society. I know you've had a rough life, Wanda. I get it. But, it's not going to get better until you can be honest and open with yourself and others. You have to heal. You need to tell people when you're scared, lonely and crying on the inside. Don't just chase people away thinking they're going to eventually leave you or hate you anyway."
      Quito continued, but his arf changed and got tougher." Now, we both know I can pummel you into oblivion. But I don't think you'd become obedient if I did that. I also know that you're not a thoroughly evil dog, just a dog in pain. Some dogs really are evil. You're not one of them."
       Wanda didn't say a word while he was talking. She was shamed, terrified and had tears rolling from her red eyes down her snout. She looked to the grey concrete floor a lot and whenever she looked up and caught his gaze, she got embarrassed and looked away, crying more. Quito stared at her intensely and thought about what he would do.
     "I think you need to start helping others, not just yourself."  He took another long pause and looked off into outer space, somewhere. Minute passed with neither of them barking. "I have an idea. Yup, I have a good idea", our long-haired dog finally said. 
     Continued Next Week... Chapter 15. Wanda's Sentence.  

Cherry Season

     Page Two Hundred Fifty-Eight.
     It's cherry season. Enjoy this 90 minutes while it lasts. It'll be over before you blink. (Cherry season is 10.23 AM, June 28 - 7.16 PM July 17.)
     Cherries and pepperoni pizza are my two favorite foods. I believe I've mentioned that before. What I do frequently in summertime, cherry season, is make a meal of pizza and then have cherries for dessert. In my previous blog, though, I  mentioned my recently changed eating habits.  I've cut back tremendously on the pizza. So these days, I'm having cherries as a complete meal. Really. A bowl of cherries is dinner. Still not too bad.
     I'm also quite finicky about the variety I purchase. I like the very large, dark type. Those are usually difficult to come by and if I can find them they're tre expensive. This year, my neighborhood discount grocer happens to have them at only 2.29 per pound. A true gift from God.                    

On Craving A Burger

     Page Two Hundred Fifty-Seven.

     Have I ever mentioned the fact that I could live on hamburgers? I just love nice, greasy, ketchupy, oniony hamburgers. Don't ever give me a veggie burger and expect me to accept it as the real thing. It isn't. If you say to me: "Jeremy, here's a veggie burger which is just exactly that: a veggie burger", then I'll be fine with it. I'll know that you're not trying to mess with my mind by giving me an imitation. But if you tell me to come over for a "cookout with all the normal things" and I show up drooling, and you give me a turkey burger, I'll start crying. I may only cry to myself and smile ingratiatingly at you, but I'll still be crying on the inside, none-the-less.
     Let me tell of the best burger I've ever had in my life.
     In 1989, I went to summer school in Jerusalem. The Israeli burgers sucked. They may or may not be any better today, but in '89 they were just awful. Dry, gray, cardboard is one way to describe them. Imagine McDonald's on a particularly bad day. Allegedly, it was because Israel doesn't have any cows, so everything has to be imported. Shipping costs are prohibitive, so they primarily get cut-rate stuff. By the way, Israel, '89, is when and where I first heard the international urban legend of America, Australia and Argentina having the best inexpensive beef. Meaning: you can go anywhere in the world and pay top dollar to get great stuff. But where can you go, pay less, but still get a decent beef meal? Brother, it sure ain't Israel. Rather it's the three "A's". We have tons 'o cows and space for them to roam. Seems like since the '90's I've heard that Brazil has good, cheap beef too.
     And in Israel you can forget about cheeseburgers. It's against kosher dietary laws to mix any milk product with any meat product in the same meal. This is a topic I've talked about in prior blogs. So, no drippy cheddar with lettuce/tomato or stretchy mozzarella atop those sauteed mushrooms/onions. Just toss that concept right out of your third floor window and watch it go "splat" on the sidewalk.
     So, by the time I was on the return plane, in late-August, after an unsuccessful school experience, I was dying for the greasiest burger or cheeseburger you can imagine. When I landed at JFK on that sunny afternoon, the first thing I did after retrieving my backpack and going to the bathroom was finding the nearest burger stand and ordering a cheeseburger with the works. After a short search I found a stand. It wasn't a chain restaurant either. It was, like, "JFK International Airport Brand Grease-Burgers". MY GOD it was good. The best burger I've ever had in my life. Lots of gooey cholesterol dripping down my fingers and chin; a strong flavor of sodium and beef; an oversized bleached-flour casket in which the thing lie. It was glorious. I was never so grateful for America in my life.
     Well...
     Last July (2013) I went on a diet and have really changed how and what I eat. I lost weight and have kept most of it off. (Lost 22, put 7 back on, lost 2 more so still down 17. Would still like to loose 10 pounds or 1 more inch around my waist.) Here-in lies the problem: no regular splurges of burgers, much as I might crave 'em. A grease-burger occasionally? Who cares. But nothing regular. And I really could have burgers 3-4 days per week and be giddy with delight. I love them that much.
     Perhaps because it's summer and I smell neighbors' grills.