Fruit Salad Tricks

     Page Two Hundred Sixty-Seven.
     Making a fruit salad soon? I have a trick for you which will push your concoction over the top.
     First make a little marinade consisting of a little bit of hot water, say 1/4 cup or so. I don't now really, but that sounds about right. Then add a little vanilla extract, almond extract and some white table sugar. Stir this for a moment and pour over your fruit. Let it marinate for a bit and enjoy.  
     Also, if you add some unexpected things to your salad it will be gobbled up like there's no tomorrow. Specifically, add some chopped dates; flaked, sweetened coconuts; and some chopped walnuts.

Quito. Chapter 16. Getting Home.

     Page Two Hundred Sixty-Six.
     Wanda led Quito through the tiny door in the corner and up the small steps to the outside and into the bright, yellow sunshine.
     "Oh pish-posh, I don't believe this", Quito howled while looking around. He was in the beautiful, vivid, green side yard of the three brothers, next door to his own home. This entire time he was never more than 50 yards from the safe haven of his own hacienda. No wonder the odor was so distinctive. It was the same lemon-powered cleaning product they used. Or at least they used everywhere but in their basement which we've already established is an absolute disaster.
     "Your hideout is in their basement? Didn't they know you and your gang of hoodlums were down there?
     "No they didn't. Menatally, those three are out to lunch. While they've been renovating and re-renovatng their home for all these years, they never noticed the work I've been doing to clear out one room in their basement. My gang and I excavated the small steps and emptied then cleaned out that one area of their dungeon. We did all the work at night, by the light of the silvery moon." Wanda seemed very proud of herself.
     "You know, you're really a piece of work. If you put half as much energy into being nice as you do into being a menace to society, well... just imagine all the people you could help. With all your money, brains and energy you could donate to finding cures for illnesses, you could create scholarships to help children who can't afford school, you could help feed and clothe homeless people, you could do so many things to help this planet. But what do you do? You build a secret hideout with all this bizarre equipment to transport me to a parallel universe, which, by the way, I still need to hear the story of. "  Quito just couldn't get over her nerve.
     "Look here Quito, not everybody has had the breaks you have. Some of us had to resort to trickery just to survive. Don't ever judge someone 'till you've had to walk in their leash. Okay, fine. I'll admit that maybe I'm a little too evil sometimes. But that's no reason to accuse me of not caring for others. In fact, and, I'm surprised you didn't get this while you were mind probing me, I've set up an attractive retirement pension for all my hench-poodles and everybody else who works in my dental clinics. Not only that, but also every year I give all my employees a free case of turkey burgers at Thanksgiving and a gift card for $102.73 at Sunoco at Christmas. That's a lot more than many employers give out now-a-days. I know stories of great employees who get fired or who are forced to quit jobs just prior to receiving pension eligibility only because their companies want to save money from going to retirees. I don't do that. I'm an ethical employer. Why didn't you see that while you were violating my privacy with your ESP? HUH? So don't keep going on about my ruthless ways, you judgmental mongrel. You need to come down off your high horse a little" There was lightening and thiunder in her bark.
     Wanda was furious with what she saw as a double standard and she let him know it. She was more than happy to admit when she was being an evil, female dog, but she also wanted her credit too.
     Now, it was Quito's time to feel like a bad dog. "Sorry. I apologize." But he had no sincerity in his voice at all. Seems like our furry hero had a little problem with lack of humility. He thought he was perfect.
     Then they started screaming, fighting and howling at one another.
     "Look you num-nuts..."
     "Why you gopher nose..."
     "Don't even go there, bonehead..."
     "You monkey butt, you..."
     Then, in the middle of all this loud and ridiculous name-calling, which, quite frankly, wasn't getting anybody anywhere, "Quito! There you are!!! Good dog. Good dog." It was Judd. He was standing on the beige, sandstone terrace adjacent to his breakfast room, holding an antique parfait glass full of the best-looking fruit salad on the planet. It was rainbow-colored and even from the distance he was from the dogs, they could smell the luscious sweetness. It was topped with whipped cream and that white lusciousness set off the colors of the contents beautifully.
     Both dogs bounded the 10 feet over to Judd with tongues and tales wagging, hoping for morsels and treats. They seemed to forget that they were in the middle of a blow-out. Treats do that to a dog. (And some people.)
Continued next week... Chapter 17. The Reunion.

On Borrowing A Church Kitchen

     Page One Hundred-Eighteen.
     I'm cooking for a memorial gathering this Friday. It won't be big, only about forty-five or so. But that's enough that it's still work. I'll be making three trays of Lasagne, two pans of chicken Paprikash with noodles, tons of three bean salad, two trays of fruit salad and a very elaborate green salad. The real complication in a situation like this isn't the work, the time, the purchasing of ingredients or so forth. The problem is storage. I only have a two bedroom apartment in an old, 1920's brownstone walk-up. My refrigerator is somewhat large for an apartment of that nature, but still it's nowhere large enough to store this amount of eats.
     I'm cat-sitting right now and the home I'm living in has what might be referred to as a "gourmet" kitchen. (I cat-sit, dog-sit, elder-sit, child-sit, house-sit a lot. When the home-owner goes away for vacation, he or she hires me to move in, live there and take care of the being in question.)  I'd been thinking "perfect timing". But upon closer inspection, I realize that the over-sized refrigerator in this home still won't be large enough. So, I think I've come up with the perfect solution.
     Last March I put on a large, instructional, community Passover Seder in a grand, old, United Methodist church here in  Cleveland Heights. (See page fifty-five of this blog for that story.) The congregation was delighted with it and have been quite warm toward me ever since. Actually, I've been friendly with the senior minister for about a decade. Our friendship is what led to my hosting the Seder in the first place. But with the Seder, the congregation and office staff have gotten to know me and welcome me. So, I phoned the church yesterday and asked if I might borrow their kitchen for a few days. They're thrilled to help me out. And brother, do they have a great kitchen. It's fantastic. This church has all the counter space, gas burners, ovens, deep sinks, refrigerator space and freezer space anybody could ever hope for. Martha Stewart would be impressed. Last spring, with much help from volunteers, I cooked a meal for 260 in this kitchen. I'm positive that I could cater a memorial gathering for 100 by myself in this thing. It's just that workable. (The only problem I'd have catering for 100 would be transporting the food. My car can handle carrying food for 45 this Friday. Much more and there'd be a problem. After a little while, you begin to think about ever single detail, such as car space.)
     Well, I better go now. I'm doing the chicken today.