He Needs A Jewish Mother!

     Page One Hundred Forty.
     I take way too much pity on people sometimes.
     This guy who's home I'm painting, Claude, is a prime example. He's 25 and as a chemical engineer is able to afford to purchase his first home. It helps that his parents completely paid for his B.S., so he graduated from college virtually debt free, too. The home is here in Cleveland Heights. It's a pleasant 1920's shingle style, center hall colonial and it's located on a beautiful street. So far so good. Only problem is: Claude. He's so young that he hasn't yet learned how to take care of himself or a home. He owns three bath towels and two, count 'em, two dinner plates. He has curtains on one bedroom window, but not the other. He hasn't got a laundry basket, nor a dresser to put any clean clothes into. (Clothing, clean or dirty, goes onto the floors. The different piles designate used or unused.) He cleans the kitty litter once a week. He's also a slob, but I digress.
     Meanwhile he's spending like a drunken sailor on the landscape architect, the interior designer, new furniture and me.
     To back up a touch, I've known him almost a year. I met him socially through his interior designer, Dan, who's been a friend of mine for thirty years. Claude is a very nice person, young and stupid, but very pleasant. So, a couple of days ago while painting a wall, I took a break to heat up some leftover beef fried rice from China Gate. I really got sick and tired of having to take one of his two dishes out of the dishwasher and hand clean it so I could microwave my lunch. I decided right then and there to take matters into my own hands. I went to Target and bought him a complete set of dishes (for four) and a set of tumblers and water glasses (for six).
     For the record, soon after moving into the house, in August, I gave him a house-warming gift in the form of a Swedish Ivy. With all his post-college moving, it was the first house-warming gift he'd ever received. He was very appreciative. So these dishes and glasses were my sympathy gift (and for me to eat off of while painting.)
     If he lived in the same city as his parents, I'm sure his mother would be over to visit regularly and see what he needed. She'd then go out and slowly purchase said household items. However, they're in Pittsburgh, so that leaves me. I'm miles, nay, continents more domestic then any of his other friends. So I'm the person who's most qualified to teach this idiot how to wipe down a kitchen counter and why he should have a one quart saucepan.
     Having said all this, he never asked me. But I suspect he's smart enough to realize the advantages of a civilized lifestyle. I'll simply offer myself up as one who can go with him to purchase the essentials of an evolved home: salt & pepper shakers; Kleenex; dish towels, Windex; a Teflon skillet; a kitchen sponge and soap. Lord in heaven.
     You cannot believe how many times I've been referred to as the consummate Jewish mother. But I use my powers for good not evil. This is one of those situations.