Peter The Martian's Pad Thai

     Page One Hundred Seventy-Eight.
     I'll first be having Peter's Pad Thai 7573 years from now when I serve aboard the USS Gaga. He'll be the head chef of that earth-based inter-galactic vessel. This, in spite of the fact that he'll be a Martian will be quite a feat. How he'll learn to make earth food so well, I won't ever figure out. But, every Friday night for our Sabbath meal he'll make this wonderful dish. I can already taste it.
     Here's his recipe, all the way from the future. All ingredients are approximate and will need to be adjusted to suit your specific taste preferences. I suggest practicing this dish a few times prior to serving it to people who's opinions or feelings you actually care about. This will feed between four and six depending upon whether or not they're polite.
     Plan on a trip to your local Asian food market for some of the products. If you haven't got a local Asian market, good luck.
                                                           Peter the Martian's Pad Thai

1 package of medium rice noodles. (I think a package is 1 pound)
some peanut oil or other oil which can withstand high heat
some hot water
1 canister of palm sugar
more hot water (perhaps 1 cup?)
2-3 eggs, lightly beaten
1 canister of tamarind sauce
1 bottle of fish sauce
a few chicken breasts or thighs or both, cooked, sliced into bite-sized pieces (if desired, chicken can be supplemented with cooked, large shrimp)
1 package of tiny shrimp
1 package of pressed tofu (the extra dry kind) sliced into tiny pieces
a bunch of scallions, sliced diagonally into pretty pieces
a large handful of frozen peas, thawed
a large handful of bean sprouts
a couple of fresh limes, one cut in half, the other cut into wedges
about 1/2 cup of lightly crushed peanuts
     First, Pray and prepare to work fast. Gather all ingredients together, sliced and organized prior to starting ANY cooking. Asian cooking is all about speed and the only way that can be attained is to have everything ready to go prior to cooking anything.
     Second, soak the noodles in a large bowl of hot water. Asian rice noodles are never cooked, just soaked.
     Third, open the canister of palm sugar and remove about 4 or 5 of the discs. Palm sugar arrives in round discs which are hard as rock. The rounds vary in size from 1 or 2 inches across. They're hard 'cause they're like Asian brown sugar which has intentionally been left out to dry. Put a bunch into a bowl and pour on some very hot water and let them soften for a while.
     Fourth, put your wok onto the stove and pour in some oil. Enough to cook a lot of food. Perhaps a few tablespoons or so. Heat the oil "till it's pretty darn hot.
     Fifth, pour in the beaten eggs and scramble for just a minute.
     Sixth, dump in the drained, wet noodles and stir with the eggs.
    Seventh, pour in the palm sugar AND the hot water and a few tablespoons of tamarind sauce and a few teaspoons of fish sauce. Stir like mad.
     Add the chicken, a healthy handful of shrimp and lots of tofu pieces. Stir like crazy.
     Finally, add the scallions, peas and sprouts. Stir again.
     If the entire concoction is too dry, add some hot water right now. There should definitely be droplets of moisture on the food as you're eating it. But, it shouldn't be in a sauce per se. So don't add to much water. Got it? (Add a little at a time and you'll be fine.)
     Squeeze the two halves of lime over the whole shebang.
     After the Pad Thai is plated, garnish with some peanuts sprinkled over and a lime wedge served on the side. Chow down on one of the world's most delicious national dishes (Thailand).
     Yes indeedy. Pad Thai is to Thailand what a hamburger and fries are to America; fish and chips are to England, falafel is to Israel, gyro is to Greece or fried rice to China. It's that ubiquitous. In fact, it's so prevalent on the streets over there, that nobody actually makes it from scratch at home. You know how nobody makes Oreo cookies at home from scratch in America? Same thing. You simply go out and buy it. No questions asked.
     Here's the primary problem with making it at home from scratch in America: getting the sauce right. Good Pad Thai is all about a balance of sweet, bitter/sour and salty. Sweet comes from the palm sugar, bitter/sour is from tamarind and salty is from fish sauce. As previously mentioned, palm sugar arrives hard, like perfect discs of dead brown sugar. These melt slowly in heat, such as water. Or in a wok while you're cooking everything together. Tamarind is a bitter fruit which is pureed and put into a canister. A little of this stuff goes a long way. Fish sauce is the consistency of water but super salty and with the taste of fish. This is sprinkled out from it's jar. For more salt flavor, I also add the tiny shrimp. It's a bit non-traditional, but really good.
     At the end, the lime juice adds a splash of citrus zing and pucker which is very traditional and the peanuts add some crunch.
     So that's it. I seriously suggest practicing a few times on forgiving friends or your children when they've been bratty prior to making it for a special engagement. Even bad pad thai sis still wonderful though.
     This page of How to Cook Children supplements the YouTube video entitled:
     How to Cook Children - Episode 10; Pad Thai
     (You'll need to type in that EXACT address or it'll take you a while to find.)

Yum-Yum, Pad Thai