Simon & Garfunkel Inspired Roasted Root Vegetables

     Page One Hundred Sixty-Four.

King Henry VIII of England

     I'm sure you've heard how Henry VIII can be. Well, lemme tell ya, when he's dieting he's worse. I was attending his marriage to Ann Bolyn and I could've predicted just exactly how it would end by his behavior at his bachelor party.

Why Would He Want To Behead Her?

     His doctors had recently put him on a low-cholesterol/reduced sodium diet because his blood pressure really was sky high and this man was subsequently having real psychological issues. We were all hanging out at one of the local strip joints and, I thought, having a good time. Suddenly, after a while, for just no discernible reason he yells, "off with her head" in reference to the poor dancer! We all asked him what the problem was and he said that her dance moves were old. True, she was doing the Charleston. But that's no reason to behead someone. We managed to talk him out of his decree and she was saved. But she was crying so badly that she had to take the rest of the evening off from dancing.Instead, she was the hat check girl for the rest of the night.

The Famous Duo Of Simon & Garfunkel

     I'm only bringing this story up because it was the same evening that Simon & Garfunkel wrote Scarborough Fair and subsequently inspired my roasted root recipe. You see Paul and Art were friends with Hank also. In fact, they were the ones to talk him out of the beheading. They could see how shaken the stripper was. And even after her life was officially spared she was still so traumatized that they went over and spoke with her for a while just to soothe her nerves.
     Seems she was from Scarborough and her favorite spice combination was parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme. How they got all that in one 15 minute conversation is beyond me, but no matter. So they ended up writing one of their most famous songs about a stripper! Obviously, you can tell by listening to it that it was written during the late Renaissance, in England, but I'm sure you didn't know the rest.
     Here's how I adopted her favorite spice combo into a scrumptious dish.
     Get yourself a few large potatoes, white or sweet, and peel 'em.
     Then, get yourself a few beets and a bunch of carrots and peel 'em.
     Then, cut everything into bite-sized pieces and dump 'em all into a large bowl.
     Then, drizzle just enough olive oil over everything to moisten and stir thoroughly.
     Then, sprinkle on some salt, pepper and a few teaspoons of white sugar.
     Then, sprinkle on some parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme. Just a little of everything, you know.
     Then, pour it all onto a foil-lined cooking sheet and spread around so all the pieces are flat.
     Then, place in a 425 degree, preheated, oven for a while. 20 minutes? "Till fork tender.
     Feeds 8-10 as a side dish if served with many other items. Or, 6-8 if a heartier sized portion is desired.
     So, that's the story of my Simon& Garfunkel Roasted Root Vegetables. I'm sure it was more information that you needed or wanted but you got it anyhow. Enjoy!     
    

Luke Skywalker's Cheese Sauce

     Page Sixty-Two
     Some time ago, I was eating dinner with Henry VIII. It was at his home and he decided to have a low-key potluck. He felt like having some friends over but didn't want the royal staff to get into a tizzy feeding everybody. So he told all the guests to bring their favorite things. (Though, he was married to Ann Boleyn at the time and she made a mean Chicken Chop Suey which ended up being one of our main courses.) Among the guests were Greta Garbo who brought a crock pot filled with mini meatballs in a sweet/sour sauce; Samson and Delilah (pigs in a blanket); Plato (spinach salad with strawberries and walnuts and raspberry vinaigrette); Adonis (cole slaw) and Mary Todd Lincoln (chocolate cheesecake). There were many other guests also; these are just a few who stick in my memory. I brought some heat 'n serve rolls.
     The thing I remember best about the evening though, is the broccoli with cheese sauce that Luke Sywalker presented. It was probably the best cheese sauce I've ever eaten and Luke was gracious enough to share the secret with anybody who asked. Essentially, it comes down to three special ingredients: paprika, mustard and Worcestershire. That's it! A few shakes of paprika, a quick squeeze of mustard and a few dashes of Worcestershire will liven up the most drab cheese sauce recipe. But you have to add all three, you can't mix and match. The three together create a very specific taste which is what sets this sauce apart.
     Ever since that fateful evening at Henry's I've always added those three things to my cheese sauce, whether it be for mac 'n cheese or the aforementioned broccoli. It always works. Enjoy.