Simon & Garfunkel Inspired Roasted Root Vegetables

     Page One Hundred Sixty-Four.

King Henry VIII of England

     I'm sure you've heard how Henry VIII can be. Well, lemme tell ya, when he's dieting he's worse. I was attending his marriage to Ann Bolyn and I could've predicted just exactly how it would end by his behavior at his bachelor party.

Why Would He Want To Behead Her?

     His doctors had recently put him on a low-cholesterol/reduced sodium diet because his blood pressure really was sky high and this man was subsequently having real psychological issues. We were all hanging out at one of the local strip joints and, I thought, having a good time. Suddenly, after a while, for just no discernible reason he yells, "off with her head" in reference to the poor dancer! We all asked him what the problem was and he said that her dance moves were old. True, she was doing the Charleston. But that's no reason to behead someone. We managed to talk him out of his decree and she was saved. But she was crying so badly that she had to take the rest of the evening off from dancing.Instead, she was the hat check girl for the rest of the night.

The Famous Duo Of Simon & Garfunkel

     I'm only bringing this story up because it was the same evening that Simon & Garfunkel wrote Scarborough Fair and subsequently inspired my roasted root recipe. You see Paul and Art were friends with Hank also. In fact, they were the ones to talk him out of the beheading. They could see how shaken the stripper was. And even after her life was officially spared she was still so traumatized that they went over and spoke with her for a while just to soothe her nerves.
     Seems she was from Scarborough and her favorite spice combination was parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme. How they got all that in one 15 minute conversation is beyond me, but no matter. So they ended up writing one of their most famous songs about a stripper! Obviously, you can tell by listening to it that it was written during the late Renaissance, in England, but I'm sure you didn't know the rest.
     Here's how I adopted her favorite spice combo into a scrumptious dish.
     Get yourself a few large potatoes, white or sweet, and peel 'em.
     Then, get yourself a few beets and a bunch of carrots and peel 'em.
     Then, cut everything into bite-sized pieces and dump 'em all into a large bowl.
     Then, drizzle just enough olive oil over everything to moisten and stir thoroughly.
     Then, sprinkle on some salt, pepper and a few teaspoons of white sugar.
     Then, sprinkle on some parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme. Just a little of everything, you know.
     Then, pour it all onto a foil-lined cooking sheet and spread around so all the pieces are flat.
     Then, place in a 425 degree, preheated, oven for a while. 20 minutes? "Till fork tender.
     Feeds 8-10 as a side dish if served with many other items. Or, 6-8 if a heartier sized portion is desired.
     So, that's the story of my Simon& Garfunkel Roasted Root Vegetables. I'm sure it was more information that you needed or wanted but you got it anyhow. Enjoy!     
    

How To Easily Make "Cooked Chicken"

     Page Fifty-Three.
     This has nothing to do with anything, but have you ever read a recipe and it calls for "cooked chicken" and you're, like, "where do I get some cooked chicken"? I think a lot of those recipes assume that you recently made some chicken and now you're trying to figure out how to use it up. But let me tell you the easiest way to make some "cooked chicken".
     Go to the grocery store and purchase some boneless chicken breasts or thighs, let's say four pounds. Breasts will yield light meat, thighs will yield dark meat. Take the raw chicken home and put into a baking dish and pour in one cup of white wine. Then lightly sprinkle over the chicken some rosemary and some thyme, perhaps you've used between 1/4-1/2 teaspoon total of each. Then, and this is my trick, add four or five small chicken bullion cubes to the wine in the pan. Tightly cover the pan with aluminum foil and put into an oven at 425 f. Bake for about twenty-five minutes. When cooked thoroughly, take chicken out of pan and move to cutting board, let cool about ten minutes. Reserve all cooking liquid and use for another recipe. When the chicken is cooled, cut up with sharp knife into bite-sized chunks. Viola! three or four cups of cooked chicken. That was too easy for words. (Technically, you've just made poached chicken.)