Page Twenty-Six
Now for a life skills lesson.
Kosher food. What is it? What isn't it? I occasionally get asked those questions for few good reasons. Mostly I think I get asked for the sake of conversation, but maybe not. Just in case you ever wanted to know*.
Kosher food laws are found in the Torah. They're spelled out very clearly with little room for interpretation. In fact, there are probably few things in all of Jewish law which leave less room for confusion, loop holes or inconsistency. In a nut shell:
1) any seafood that has fins and scales has the potential to be kosher;
2) any animal that chews its cud and has split hooves has the potential to be kosher;
3) the birds which are listed in the Torah as being kosher are potentially kosher;
4) any fruit and vegetable has the potential to be kosher;
5) no bird or animal may ever be eaten along side or prepared with a dairy product;
6) any thing prepared in the wrong pot or served on the wrong plate isn't kosher.
That's it, no more. You got it? Huh? What's that? You still don't understand? Oh for crying out loud! Okay, let's take this one at a time.
1) Fish. That one actually is self-explanatory. It's all about the fins and scales. Therefore, no shellfish, no creepy-crawly things... only swimmy fish is kosher. And only the swimmy fish that has the necessary fins and scales. So, no shark as they don't have scales. Sorry, no Lobster Newburg.
2) Animals that chew their cud and have split hooves are kosher if they're killed properly and even then only certain sections of the animal may be eaten. A special dude named a
shochet has to do the ritual slaughtering. He kills the animal very quickly by cutting its throat. And then no skin or certain sections of the hind quarters are kosher. Also, ALL blood must be drained from the animal as blood isn't kosher.
3) Most of our normal American birds are kosher but allegedly some kosher-keeping Jews won't eat turkey because turkeys were unknown in bible days. Therefore it isn't on any list in the Torah, yeah or nay. Some Jews don't want to take a chance; therefore they won't eat it at all. Again, the bird has to be killed properly by a
shochet and all blood drained.
4) Fruits and vegetables are all kosher if they've been rinsed and inspected for little insects 'cause little insects aren't kosher.
5) No animal or bird may be cooked with any dairy product or served with any dairy product. Therefore, no Beef Stroganoff (beef/sour cream), no Chicken Paprikash (chicken/sour cream), no cheese burgers (beef/cheese), for lunch, no chicken salad sandwich with a glass of milk on the side (chicken/milk), no pot roast with ice cream for dessert (beef/milk) and no lemon meringue pie while watching TV after dinner 'cause of the butter in the lemon curd. If meat is consumed, six hours must pass prior to dairy being consumed; if dairy is consumed, thirty minutes must pass before meat.
6) If a meat dish is prepared in a pot which was used for a dairy meal, both the meat and the pot are no longer kosher. Therefore, separate pots, pans, dishes, glasses, flatware and so forth are used for meat dishes and dairy dishes. Sometimes, you'll see two microwaves, two ovens, two 'fridges and so on.
That's basically it. From here it starts getting complicated. You'd be shocked at how many dairy products show up in prepared items that really should have no dairy, and vice-versa. That jar of chicken bullion cubes on your pantry shelf? It may possible contain a dairy derivative. That's a no-no. For this reason, food which has been prepared in a kosher facility, under the watchful eye of a religious dude, has a special little symbol on it which means it's kosher. Sometimes next to the symbol, there will be another symbol or two which signify if it's dairy, meat or neither. Dairy is
milchek, meat is
fleishik and neutral is
parve. Interestingly, fish and eggs are
parve but don't ask me why. So, chicken bullion which really only contain
fleishik products and is prepared properly can be kosher. You'd be REAL surprised at how many items on your shelf right now have these little symbols. It's in Big Businesses best interest to have as wide an audience as possible. So many average, American companies have kosher certification. You may have never noticed 'cause it didn't occur to you or you didn't know what to look for on the label. Something like 75% of all prepared food in the US is certified kosher.
Almost all the laws pertaining to flesh consumption have to do with animal cruelty. Having an animal suffer while it's dying isn't nice, so quick death is kinder to it. Also, milk is for a calf and cooking a mom cow in the food intended for it's offspring is cruel. These are the very real origins of many of these laws.
I won't take up space right here and right now talking about Passover. Those dietary laws are off the hook. I'll address Passover food in anther blog.
Technically grasshoppers are kosher. Some people dispute that, but look it up. Food that isn't kosher is called
traif. Pepperoni pizza is
traif. So is shrimp cocktail, McDonald's and ham and cheese on white with mayo and mustard (dijon) -
traif. A well-meaning neighbor inviting a rabbi over and preparing a meal with all kosher food but in a pot that was used the day before to prepare split pea soup with ham?
Traif. I'm
ubber traif.
*But didn't know whom to ask.
It's an acquired taste I think. Though I LOVE the stuff myself, I will admit that it is an oval, gray food which could be very intimidating to the uneducated palate. Most gefilte fish comes from a somewhat expensive can or jar. Few people actually make the stuff anymore, though some butchers and old ladies still do. It tends to run slightly sweet and salty, which may be why the hot/bitter horseradish goes so well with it; all the flavors balance each other out. It's extraordinarily healthy, running very high on the protein content and low on the fat.
