The Test

     Page three.
     A couple of decades ago, while working somewhat full-time as a free-lance hairdresser, I went to a client's home early one cold Saturday morning to give a haircut. I'd been cutting Dune's hair for a few years and had also done his wife's hair for a while. In fact, I started first with her, Lorna, then I became his stylist as well, then she dropped me. But over the next many years while doing Dune's hair in the kitchen Lorna and I became better and better friends.
     The Saturday in question, I arrived with my scissors and comb and was sitting and chatting with them in the living room relaxing with a cup of coffee prior to cutting. (MANY of my hair clients invited me to sit and chat in the living room prior to cutting for some reason. Still not sure why.) So, I'm on the sofa and they're in the two Queen Anne chairs opposite. The fire is roaring in the fireplace as happens in Cleveland in January and Misty, the big dog, is nuzzling up to me to get an improved pet and snuggle. Suddenly, appearing at the bottom of the steps is Miss Gwendolyn, the beautiful three year old Princess come to survey her domain. In most universes there's nothing unusual here. In what universe DOESN'T a three year old Princess appear at the bottom of the steps on a Saturday morning to evaluate her domain? None... except that one little detail separates this occurrence from the norm. Princess Gwendolyn is stark naked.
     Now, I'm perfectly comfortable with nudity, it exists in God's world. How many diapers have I changed over the years? Only the Pope knows for sure. But I was still a little shocked by this simply 'cause it was out of context. I just wasn't expecting it was all. But I greeted her warmly as she saw me and smiled brightly. We were very good friends after all. In fact, she rushed over to me with barely a nod of "Hello" to her Mommy and Daddy. This was when the GRE/MCAT began.
     You see, she then jumped up on the sofa and replaced Misty to get a better pet and snuggle. Now I have a Naked-As-A-Jaybird little girl snuggling up against me and I'm scared to death to touch her in any places that are typically covered by a bathing suit for fear of doing any long-term psychological damage and meanwhile her Mommy and Daddy are facing me five feet away with enormous, huge grins each. Seems they find my nervous anguish funny. It was as if they were saying non-verbally, "Okay Jeremy, you're so cool? You can handle any kid event? Let's see how you handle this one. Show our daughter how much you love her while completely ignoring her nudity and put the awkwardness of this situation up on a shelf somewhere."
     I gingerly wrapped my right arm around Gwendolyn's shoulder and let it cup her right arm and squeezed her closely as she just told me all the important events of her life. Meanwhile Mommy and Daddy just smiled like there was no tomorrow, suppressing uproarious laughter, I'm sure. Modern parents just mystify me.
     She eventually finished her stories, I eventually did Dune's hair and eventually my day continued. No big whoop. This was just one more of those life stories that begins nowhere and ends nowhere. The thousands of days I'll walk this planet will primarily be comprised of stories just like this. But I remember it and I'm glad that little girl and her parents (cruel as they were) liked and trusted me as much as they clearly did. In fact, many years later, Lorna and Dune would hire me to nanny their kids and cook for the family while she would finish her M.A. and he would work long hours.
     Thankfully, as a high school student Gwendolyn would be much more appropriate. And we continued to have a special relationship I'm glad to say. (I'm sure she has no recollection of this story.)