Cedar Point - A Review

     Page Two Hundred Sixty-Three.

The Entrance circa 2005(?)

     I recently went to Cedar Point.  (One of the reason why I'm behind with my blogs. I lost a day there and a few days afterwards due to the recuperation process.) Let me tell you about it.
     I hadn't been to Cedar Point since the summer of '12 when I went with the real Thomas, Jackson, William and their father. (I was nannying that family at the time.) Dad felt he couldn't handle those three by himself so he asked for my assistance at Cedar Point, as well as at Great Wolf Lodge, an indoor water park ten minutes from CP, where we spent the next day. I had a blast. My job was to accompany William and do whatever he wanted. William, 8 years old at the time, and I were pretty much on the same exact page with almost everything, so we both had the time of our lives. (That's why I got him. Even though he's the youngest, he's the most fearless of the kids.)
     I didn't make it to CP last year, '13, but was determined to go this year. I asked, nay, bugged, many of my friends, but nobody could join me. Lost time from work, expense, fear of roller coaster, etc. were the excuses given. My friends just refuse to live on the edge. But then, a couple of weeks ago, I heard through the rumor mill that my nephew Michael and his girlfriend would be coming into town for a few days. Upon phoning him and confirming said rumor, I told him of my desires and he was totally on board. (You should know that Nephew Michael is one of this planet's all time coolest people.) I picked up Michael and Tricia from his sister's home (niece Heather and fiance Mark live very close to downtown Cleveland, 20 minutes from me) at 8.20 AM last Wednesday, July 9th and dropped them back off at  12.15 PM that night. I haven't been the same since.

     We walked into the entrance at exactly 10AM and exited at 10.50PM, driving out of the parking lot at 11.15PM. Though the park officially closes at 10, the CP law states that if you're in any line at 10, then you can proceed and drop to your death on that particular ride, regardless of how long the line takes, and we were in the 45 minute line for the Titanic Hindenburg 10,000 at 9.45. In a nutshell, we went on 23 rides, only taking 2 "picnic at the car*" breaks. We evaluated every single roller coaster in the park after riding it and took in 1 indoor show. We only purchased 1 food item, frozen custard, and 1 cup of pop. We probably walked about 5 miles by my best estimate and nobody got sunburned, thankfully.
     According to trade journals and amusement park enthusiast clubs, CP is considered the best amusement park on the planet and has been since the late '90's when those organizations began bestowing that honor. It really is over the top and aside from the extraordinary prices it is a great time.
     What's that you ask? Prices? Oh... do let me tell...
     Working at the museum, I got discount entrance tickets. Normally 60.00, I got ours for 45.00 which isn't bad. But then, there's the 15.00 parking, 4.00 for each of the two custards which we shared and 4.00 for the kiddie sized cup of pop. We figured out that the food prices in the park are roughly 3-4 X what they are outside the park, in the real world, or at least, Northern Ohio real world anyhow. (And for that ridiculous sum, the quality of the food isn't great. I find it greasy, and not in a good way and overly unhealthy, also, not in a good way. The custard is wonderful, though. That's why I wanted some. It's the world's best.) Being adults, we needed no souvenirs; so we didn't have to deal with that cost, thank heavens. God help budget-minded, middle-class parents when taking their little tykes to a place like this. Well, they simply can't do it.

     Overall, The ticket cost is somewhat reasonable, particularly if one can be had by the multitude of available discounts. But food and extraneous costs are shocking, so should be avoided at all costs. No pun intended.
     Concerning the rides: more fun than a barrel of monkeys. There are rides for all levels of fear: Cowardly Lion to Schwarzenegger and everything in between. Children's rides abound as do carnival-style games of skill and chance - another money killer which I avoid but I know some people like. There's also the petting zoo and numerous Broadway style shows. Plus, for the extra fee!, a water park and a couple of additional rides are adjacent to the park. There are enough things to do to last two days or even more. Which is why many choose to stay in one of the adjacent hotels and purchase a two day pass.
    Cedar Point is truly world class. Go sometime. My rating 10/10.



*My picnic cooler included:
freshly sliced:
roast beef
sliced pastrami
sandwich style pepperoni
honey-baked turkey
***
freshly sliced:
extra sharp cheddar
colby jack
swiss
***
1 pint of boiled shrimp
***
2 fresh loaves of bread:
challah
rye with seeds
***
1 quart of my homemade cole slaw
1 quart of my spicy, Mexican baked beans (I need to write that recipe in this blog sometime)
1 pint of olive medley (jumbo blue cheese stuffed, kalamata, pimiento-stuffed)

I pint of tomatoes - small heirloom variety)
1 pound of baby carrots
***

mayo
deli style mustard
steak sauce
shrimp sauce
***
2 pounds of fresh cherries
1 quart of dried fruit
1 quart of deluxe mixed nuts
***
2 bottles each:
Frosty brand root beer
Frosty brand blue cream soda
Goya brand ginger beer
Mexican-made Coca Cola (Mexican is made with cane sugar, not high fructose corn syrup)
***   
1 pound of peanut brittle
***
     I spread the blanket out on the ground between my car and the neighboring one. Then, I propped up a large umbrella and balanced it on the 2 corresponding side view mirrors, for shade.  Ms. Stewart herself couldn't have done finer, if I must say so myself.

Quito Chapter 6. Miss Wanda Villain

     Page Two Hundred Thirty.
     Everybody rushed to answer the door when the chimes rang. (It's always fun to answer the door when the bell rings 'cause you always hope it'll be a surprise for you. It's like in the movie The Music Man when all the town's folk are singing about The Wells Fargo Wagon, hoping it'll be bringing something wonderful for each of them.) When Jordan opened the over-sized, creamy white, French style, front doors, they all saw a very attractive and smiling collie. She was darker than TV's Lassie, but very beautiful. She was carrying a small, charming, suede, purple purse; wearing a fetching purple wool felt pillbox hat with a little silk veil covering her eyes and snout; had tasteful but noticeable ruby drop earrings and had multiple ruby bangle bracelets about her front two furry legs.She was also wearing the most extraordinary perfume. She smelled like a giant bouquet of yellow roses.
     "Hello everybody. May I please speak with Quito", she barked while looking around at all the children and Quito. Her bark was graceful and refined.
     "I'm Quito", he arfed in response.
     "Quito, my name is Wanda Villain and  you don't know me but I know you and I'd like to offer you a job. May I please come in and sit down?
     Quito and all the kids looked at each other nervously but with curiosity also. Their expressions to each other were all saying, "what's going on?" But they were polite enough to know that when guests arrive at your door, you always invite them in and offer them food and drink regardless of the circumstances. They all walked Wanda to the parlor, smelling and sniffing her along the way as her perfume really smelled that lovely. Jordan placed a Michael Jackson record on the Victrola and immediately Thriller began playing. They then offered the new doggie some hot, fresh Earl Gray tea which Jackson had just steeped and placed some very thin orange slices into. And to go with the tea and music, there was a plate of toasted, light golden brown crumpets with butter and lemon curd. Wanda clearly loved the crumpets with butter and lemon curd as she delicately gobbled up 7 of them. 
     "Miss Villain, how do you know me?"
     "A little birdie told me about you. Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean for that to sound evasive but you see, I'm acquainted with a family of  Hummingbirds who live outside of my bedroom window and apparently the Tellabirdie Phone System is up and working great. I had know idea that all birds, the entire globe over, are always telling each other all the news of the world. Birds are surprisingly well-informed people and what's more, they have no discretion. They'll tell anybody anything. Actually, they have really big mouths, in spite of the fact that they have really tiny mouths. So a couple of days ago I was talking with Eggbert, that's the father hummingbird, and your name and location happened to come up. You see, I told him that I needed a strong person to appear in my company's commercials and Eggbert told me of your cold-fusion powers. So, I'd like to hire you to be my spokesdog for a new line of extra-sweet and extra-sugary cereals that my company's developing. If I can have somebody like you illustrate how someone can get strong and powerful by eating tons of sugar, then all the kids will buy it and we'll all be rich, rich rich." At that last part, Wanda seemed particularly eager.
     Quito was stunned at first, then he became angry, very angry indeed. His black and white fur actually turned red with fury. He just couldn't believe what he was hearing and he wasn't sure what to be more concerned and upset about, Miss Villain's idea or the fact that all the little birdies in the world knew about his super-powers. He wasn't embarrassed by them or anything, he just didn't think it should be common knowledge. First of all, he virtually never used his powers in the first place, so he had no idea how the birds knew about them. Secondly, he didn't think he'd like the idea of taking the kids to, say, Cedar Point and having some old lady walk up to him and request, "What am I thinking now?" But he also thought that her idea of having him act as a role model for her sugary cereal was gruesome and grotesque.
     "Miss Villain, I think your idea is gruesome and grotesque. And you should be ashamed of yourself for even thinking of such a thing. With your money and power, you have so much opportunity to help kids. Why would you want to hurt them like this? You know that those cereals just make kids fat and yucky. How dare you hurt the world's children."
     "WELL I NEVER!!! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE INSULTING ME LIKE THAT?" Now Wanda was the one who was miffed. "I came here this morning to offer you a job and now you're insulting me? I don't need or deserve this type of treatment." With that, Miss Villain, got up from the lime green French Provincial style sofa, reached to the authentic, priceless, million dollar, 350 year old, antique, gilded, Louis XIV coffee table which was in front of her, hurriedly wrapped a couple of crumpets with lemon curd in a napkin, put them in her charming, suede, purple purse and walked to the over-sized, creamy white, French style front doors, opened, exited and slammed them in a loud huff.
     The kids and Quito just sat, all their jaws dropping almost to the floor and were speechless. After a moment, William was the first to say anything. "Like, far out, Dudes."
     Then Thomas said, "From the likes of things, I think we shan't anticipate seeing her fury paws again anytime soonish."
     Jackson and Wanda both chimed in with similar thoughts.
     Lastly, Quito barked, "Is that lady off her rocker?" They all talked for a few minutes about how crazy they thought Wanda's idea was. But then they heard some barking coming from outside.
     "You haven't heard the last of me, Quito." Everybody inside the home then rushed to the window just in time to see Wanda get into her 1932 Duesenberg automobile and drive away. 
     "Yup. That lady's nuts", woofed Quito.
Continued next week... Chapter 7. The Fireworks Begin.

My Most Memorable Meal

     Page Forty-Two.
     What was the most memorable meal you've ever had in your life? Was it with a favorite relative or friend? Was it extraordinary food? Location?  Circumstances?
     I live in the Coventry neighborhood of Cleveland Heights. Coventry is very well known, almost famous, in Northeast Ohio as being a destination for young, hip kids. It's also the western edge of Case Western Reserve University's campus. I'm here 'cause I've lived in Cleveland Heights my entire life. So I didn't move here due to it's destination factor. I've also had roommates since about '99 or so. Some of my roommates have been Case students because of it's close proximity.
     In May of  '06, I received a phone call in response to an add I'd placed at CWRU's off-campus housing bureau. This call was from a fellow named Lutz. He was from Germany and would be in town for 11 months doing chemistry research at Case. Could he come by and see the room? He moved in two weeks later.
     Lutz wasn't completely comfortable with English and was a bit introverted. But he was quite pleasant and intelligent. He was also VERY German. Rules and regiment were rather important to him... how quaint.
     Within a few weeks of moving in, I realized how atrocious his cooking skills were. Clearly, his mother had taught him how to make five or six things and he made those things over and over again. When he made those things, it wasn't with panache and finesse either. His cooking style could be described as "with enough ketchup, anything is edible". I took great pity and started making him a nice dinner every Sunday. We'd sit, chat and eat together. Occasionally, during the eleven months, I'd inform him that he was taking me out to eat the following Sunday, He always aquiesced.
     Over time we developed a nice friendship and enjoyed spending time together. I took him to Cedar Point, Niagara Falls, many parties, museums, the orchestra and so forth. I showed him many of Cleveland's sites. When he moved back home in April of '07, we just KNEW we'd stay in touch.
     I quit my job at Fancy-Shmancy Nursing Home in the autumn of '06 and went to work at another nursing home for what I thought was the job opportunity of a lifetime. The new job lasted eight weeks. I would go on to be gainfully unemployed for a while. (Some might argue that I'm STILL gainfully unemployed. But that's another blog.)
     In the summer of '07, I was visiting some of my favorite residents at Fancy-Shmancy and began talking with a Jamaican nurse's aid whom I'd been quite friendly with. (I'm notorious for staying in touch with former jobs with NO intention on ever going back. It confuses people to no end but I do it more than just about anybody you've ever met.) Gloria asked me what I was doing with all my time off. I told her that I did a LOT of creative writing and general hanging out. Also, Lorna and Dune hired me to do some part-time nannying to their two teenaged girls (see page three of this blog). "Jeremy, you're the type of person who I could see backpacking around. To have this much free time, you should be off traveling and seeing distant lands. That's who you are." So, I decided to go to Europe and visit Lutz. I made the decision that fast, in spite of the fact that I'm really not a spontaneous person.
     Now, I was mostly broke and futureless. But I figured that I'd rather be mostly broke and futureless while standing at the top of the Eiffel Tower than having coffee on Coventry Road in Cleveland Heights. That logic works in my universe.
     So I contacted Lutz and made arrangements to meet him in Deutchland in November for a week. (I'd then do Paris and Barcelona by myself for another week.) His responsive e-mails were very welcoming. I landed in Berlin and promptly got lost twice prior to actually seeing his overly-tall, Aryan figure. I won't tell you all my adventures in Europe, of which there were many, but instead, my most memorable meal.
    Lutz told me that the German national dish is a type of sausage, cut into pieces, served with fries. That was their hamburger or hot dog. He asked all his friends and associates where in the WHOLE country he could give me the best. One day when we were back in Berlin, after being elsewhere for a few days, we went out for the day. It was cold, gray, rainy, gloomy and gross. We took seventy-five different buses and walked another eighty miles that day, all in the cold rain. We saw tons of sights and thousands of things. (He still hasn't forgiven me for stealing part of a sidewalk. Separate story.)
     So we're walking and walking and eventually come to a bridge. Built under this bridge, is a walk up food stand. There was one window, where you placed your order, then next to the window was a ledge with ketchup, mustard and napkins. The ledge was protected by an overhang about one foot deep. So you could also eat off the ledge, but you were truly open to the elements.We ended up at the bridge because, again. one of his co-workers told him this was THE BEST in the country. So we're standing there, outside, in the rain, in the cold, eating sausage and fries. Honestly, I thought the sausage was good. It reminded me of a slightly bland kosher hot dog, without the bun, of course; but the fries, those fries were the best I've ever had in my life. they were extraordianary.
     In retrospect, I'll bet you anything that those fries were fried up in lard, but who cares. Sometimes you have to live. And, when you're eating french fries outside in the cold and rain it's perfectly okay if they're the best fries in the world. And, they were.
     That was my lifetime's most memorable meal. I hope to get back to Germany to visit again. Perhaps soon. We'll see. But when I go back, I don't want to eat outside in the cold and rain again. But I may steal more of their sidewalks. (Their paving material was sooooo cool.)