Birth Of A Nation - A Review

     Page Two Hundred Fifty-Six.
     I was in a terribly foul mood last weekend because my landlord decided to cut down most of the mature evergreen trees which dotted the apartment building I live in. I loved those trees. I felt like someone had tossed an axe through my chest when I came home and saw the homicide scene. So to deal with my temporary deep depression, I watched the movie Birth Of A Nation. I figured I was already in such an awful mood, nothing else could possibly make it worse. And I've been wanting to see this movie since I was a teenager anyhow, which is when I first heard of it.
     BOAN was made in 1915 and is considered the first full-length motion picture. All cinema prior was 20 minutes or shorter, so character development and plot was very simplistic and understated. D.W. Griffith, BOAN's director, had already made many of these short movies and was quite adept at technique and style; and if he were working today, he'd probably be an Oscar-winnining director. In fact, I'm sure that any 2014 college film class still spends much lecture time on him and this flick. The technical advancements of this film are numerous and important.

Birth Of A Nation - the Klan vs. the rapists

     BOAN has many elements of any modern blockbuster: war, battle, blood, dancing, heroes, bad guys, horses, romance, etc. In a nutshell, the plot is  the story of the pre-civil war era, the civil war itself and reconstruction: essentially 1855-1875, or so, in South Carolina. However, it also contains a brand of  racism which is so over the top that it raised eyebrows even BACK THEN!!! The NAACP which was 6 years old at the time, went on a rampage over this movie. Lawsuits attempting to ban the movie started immediately. President Wilson, watching the movie in the White House, BOAN being the first movie screening there, allegedly said, "it is like writing history with lightning".
     D.W. Griffith, a southerner who's father was a Confederate officer, made a movie which is so gruesome in its portrayal of African-Americans and Northerners, it's like the history of Israel being written by Osama Bin Laden, literally. The second half of BOAN illustrates how and why the Ku Klux Klan was born: to protect all white people, even northerners, and happy, meek, black servants, from the multitudes of newly-freed, gun-totting, swaggering black rapists. Imagine how extreme racism would have to be, to be considered unsuitable, even in World War I era America and you have BOAN.
     The response surprised Griffith. He claimed that he simply had no idea what he was saying while creating this film. His follow up spectacle, Intolerance, made in 1916, was his apology and is about just exactly that: intolerance of any people based upon their race or creed. I saw that lavish movie sometime during the 1990's and it's also fantastic. And here-in lies the conflict for any cinephile trying to review BOAN based upon it's merit as a flick and not as a political statement: good luck. Pretty much all reviewers and film historians believe it to be one of the 100 most important movies ever made, based upon it's artistic and technical achievements.

The stage set built for Intolerance

     I'm VERY used to watching ancient, silent, black & white flicks, so I was okay with all those elements. (The day before starting BOAN, I watched The Iron Horse, 1925, just wonderful. Perhaps I'll talk on that movie another time.) My biggest artistic problem with BOAN was the length: 3 hours 15 minutes. Griffith's inability to edit was almost as bad as his resentment at the North for winning the Civil War. But the editing problem not-withstanding, this is a movie worth watching and even owning a copy of if you're an extremely serious movie buff (which I am if anybody wants to give me a copy for my birthday, November 21st).
     Birth Of A Nation. My score: 10/10

Melty, Cheesy Perfection

     Page One Hundred Thirty-Nine.
     It was 1940 and I'd landed a new job as household manager for The White House. I'd lucked into it really, but I wasn't going to tell them how heavily I'd padded my resume. Without going into too many details, let's just say that I hadn't really been in charge of maintenance and housekeeping at Buckingham Palace during the '30's. But the Roosevelts didn't need to know that. (Actually, I was a temporary worker who worked at the palace for two days in 1936 cutting the grass. When I say that I'm good at padding my resume, I'm not kidding.)
     So anyhow, it was a hot Tuesday afternoon, July, 1940. Captain Kirk, our guest lecturer, was lecturing Mrs. Roosevelt, the house-keeping staff and me on some new and improved silver polishing techniques. We were in the kitchen, listening intensely, when suddenly we were interrupted by some rather unsavory looking gentlemen. Seems some construction that had gone awry. The city sewer department was working on old pipes out in the street when everything suddenly went haywire and the pipes backed up. There were now several sewer workers in the White House pantry informing us that there was probably much raw sewage in the basement.
     We all rushed downstairs to investigate and lo and behold, the sub-sub-basement had water ankle deep. Great... just great. It took us until almost midnight to clean everything up. It was awful - just horrible. Thankfully, nothing of value was stored down there so little was lost, thank heavens. But it was a mess.
     We'd all worked right through dinner and were starving by the time we got back upstairs. Captain Kirk then made the most wonderful announcement anybody has ever made. "I'll make grilled cheese sandwiches for everybody." Let me tell you those things were good. I never before had a grilled cheese that was so perfect. I asked Jim what his secret was. "First, you have to lightly pre-toast the two slices of bread. Then, spread soft, room temperature butter over the darkest side of each slice. Melt a dab more butter in your skillet over moderately low heat. Lay the toast, buttered side down in the skillet and place your cheese on each slice and cover the pan. The pan must be over moderately low heat. After a moment or two, remove the lid and gingerly place one cheesy slice onto other. Replace the lid. Wait another couple of moments and flip the sandwich, again replacing the lid. In a couple of minutes... grilled, melted, cheesy goodness. Jeremy, the true secret is patience. You must use low heat. You can't hurry a grilled cheese sandwich."
     Where did you learn all this?" I asked.
     "While I was in Starfleet Academy, I worked as a short order cook in a couple of diners in San Fransisco to make money."
      Who knew?