A Few Non-Sequitors

     Page One Hundred Seventy-Nine.
     Three days ago I catered an event at Williams-Sonoma. They were having a bridal shower in the store and hired me to come on in and make all the food. It was a headache. It was a pizza party for 30 so I made 10 pizzas with all the usual variety of toppings. Plus there was the salad, raw vegetable shish-ka-bobs and chocolate-dipped strawberries. In fact, I demonstrated the shish-kas and choco-berries, so I was technically the entertainment at this bridal party. (The second time in my life when that's happened. But, the first time is a separate and somewhat inappropriate story.) I made all the dough and sauce the day before. My back hurt by the time the whole thing was over on Saturday night.
                                                       ******************************              

     The next day, was Sunday and to relax post-pizza, I decided to take in a church double-feature. I haven't done that in a while. By "church double-feature" I mean that I attend one church service at 9.30 and a different one at 11. Please don't question this. It all makes perfect sense in my Jewish universe. I figure if I'm going to attend a different religion's house of worship at all, why not do 2 in one day? I have copious numbers of friends in both of these particular churches and the senior minister of one is sort of like my spiritual advisor. So it really is quite an enjoyable morning.
     They're both United Methodist, a denomination which I know is undergoing difficult evolution and transition. So, it's doubly fascinating as an outsider for me to watch them evolve, but from within. I knew that they'd be celebrating Martin Luther King Day in their respective services, in one form or another. Subsequently, I correctly assumed that their current struggle with gay civil rights would come up.
     The United Methodist denomination has a poor record with embracing civil rights for all people in the first place. However, 1 of the 2 churches which I attend is somewhat willing to engage in dialogue about it's history. For the record, United Methodism wasn't established with civil rights of any form in mind, anyhow. It was established in the 18th century solely to spread the word of the Christian Gospel to the needy of the world. So it makes sense that it would have a slow record on embracing human rights issues still today. Human rights has simply never been it's priority. Converting the poor to Christ through hope and prayer has been.
     This, as opposed to a denomination like The United Church of Christ which was established almost exclusively for civil rights issues back in the 17th century; and, subsequently began ordaining black people to their ministry in the 1820's, females in the 1890's and homosexuals in the early 1970's. The Congregationalists (the former name of United Church of Christ) practically invented the abolitionist movement. That's simply how they identify themselves. They'll also admit that they use the Bible as a "reference" book.
     I'm learning that different Christian denominations are really like different schools. Would you go to MIT and expect to get a degree in Art History? So really... come on. Why be surprised when a certain denomination (Methodism) that didn't even acknowledge MLK's assassination in 1968 at it's services on the Sunday following the shooting, would struggle with gay rights?
     I'm like a Jewish Mr. Spock. I find the whole situation fascinating. (Tel Aviv, Israel is currently the #1 vacation destination in the world for gay travelers. Jews love the gays. Just love 'em. Even Orthodox Jews, our version of Southern Baptists have begun embracing homos.)
                                                       *****************************
     My job with the kid is coming to an end again. He's switching schools right now so I'll no longer be needed. Anybody have a job to offer me?

Mrs. Buckley's Stuffing

     Page One Hundred Sixty-Three.
     About 18,500 or 18,501 years ago, I lived across the street from the Buckleys. This was in Ireland. It wasn't called Ireland at the time, of course. It was called "Honolulu" by its contemporary inhabitants in the native language. But it was what we call Ireland today, none-the-less. It was an idyllic neighborhood. Almost everybody was charming and redheaded, the hills were a vibrant green and everybody wore beautiful sweaters.
     The only "less than fuzzy" element on the entire street were a family of druids who lived down the way. They drank excessively and rented out their upstairs apartment to a bunch of frat boys who were always having wild parties. But, except for that one house, it really was just a lovely area.

     So one evening I was out raking leaves and Mrs. Buckley walked over and invited me to join her family for dinner. Never one to turn down free food, I accepted. She'd made a very good meal that I can still taste today. It was spiral sliced emu; stuffing; quinoa with morel mushrooms; falafel; creamed jicama; fried plantains; pad thai and rolls with butter. Then, for dessert she made a Chocolate Decadent Cake. The entire meal really was great.
     What made the greatest impression on me at the time was the stuffing. My family was Orthodox Jewish. So, if my mother was required to have a stuffing-type item on the table for a given holiday, it was matzo farfel. I'll talk about my mother's matzo farfel more in another blog, but what you need to know for the sake of this blog was that it was awful. Basically, it was dead, dry, flavorless chunks of Soylent Green. So when Mrs. Buckley explained that this stuffing was gentile-style food, I just quivered with glee. It was great!
     I innocently asked her how to make it. She graciously responded and I've been making a similar version ever since. Here 'tis. Fry up an entire log of Italian seasoned sausage in a very large pot or stock pot 'till brown. (I think the log will be a pound. But you'll see it in the store.) Remove sausage to a bowl. To the sausage drippings, add 1 large finely chopped onion, 2 finely diced celery ribs and 1 finely chopped red pepper. Saute 'till soft. Add a stick of butter and let melt slowly. Replace cooked sausage and stir. Pour in 2 cups of chicken broth and heat 'till warm. Dump in a large bag (12-16 oz.) of seasoned bread croutons or stuffing mix. Stir thoroughly. Dump into a couple of casseroles and bake, 325 for 20-25 minutes or so. Eat and enjoy. Serves a small army- maybe 10 or 12.

"You Pay What For Rent?!?!"

     Page One Hundred Forty-One.
     I sometimes feel like Cleveland is a different country from New York, San Francisco or Washington DC. This is because of the rents.
     I recently read an article on the internet which was about the growing trend of "micro-apartments". These are super-small living spaces designed to be cheaper than normal sized apartments. In Seattle, you can rent a single bedroom with an adjoining bathroom for $800-something a month. You'd share a modest-sized kitchen with your neighbors and you have no other living space: i.e. living room, dining room, closets and so forth. And, the bedroom isn't really that big, either. This is in a new building where the apartment was designed to be this size. This isn't a retro-fit.
     In New York, there's a tiny space, again the size of a small bedroom, with a bathroom down the corridor. It has no closets and no place to "stretch and relax". The inhabitants, a married couple, say they don't cook and they're not home-bodies. In fact, they eat 100% of their food out.
     All these people say the upside is you get a spot in a terrific neighborhood for a fraction of the normal rent. Also, you learn not to live by your possessions. I don't disagree with these concepts at all. I'm all for lack of material acquisition and for living in a great area. I simply can't get over how different this is from the country of Northeast Ohio.
     Cleveland often is listed as one of the most affordable places to live in America. In fact, sometimes we come in at the #1 spot on those polls. I don't know why we're so inexpensive, but we are. Let me tell you about my apartment.
     I have a large two bedroom place in Cleveland Heights, a mostly desirable, inner-ring (old) suburb. Some Clevelanders are uncomfortable in Cleveland Heights because it's too racially integrated for their taste - too bad for them. That not-withstanding, the crime is within a reasonable range, there's much neighborhood shopping, you can walk to get your morning coffee or your evening dinner, streets are tree-lined and it's proximity to arts and culture is extraordinary. The schools are somewhat questionable nowadays, but some graduates of Cleveland Heights High School still go to Harvard, Yale and so forth. (But, Cleveland Heights has the highest percentage of children attending private schools of any city in Ohio.)The architecture here is also quite beautiful. Our most lovely districts could rival Beverly Hills, California any day of the week. Literally. And those homes are kept up stunningly. In the Orthodox Jewish section, many of the additions actually double the size of the homes. No neighborhood in Cleveland Heights is what you'd refer to as "run down".
     My two bedroom has the original hardwood floors in the living room and formal dining room. I have a fireplace (which doesn't work, but that's okay), a galley kitchen which is small but doable with it's large stove and even larger refrigerator, a normal front door and a backdoor onto a fire escape. The two bedrooms are located at opposite ends of the long apartment. Each bedroom has it's own decent-sized closet. Charm abounds. I have two storage units in the basement of this 1920's, brick, three floor walk-up. (I'm on the third,with my brand new windows looking out over evergreen tree-tops.) The two storage units are back to back and combined are 8' X 12' and 8' high. Essentially, my basement storage area is the size of the aforementioned micro-apartments. My rent includes heat and water. I'm in the Coventry neighborhood which is exceptionally desirable for young adults due to the neighborhood nightlife and close proximity to Case Western Reserve University.
     I pay $735.00 per month. My electricity and cooking gas are are another $45.00ish. I pay $100.00 every three moths for parking in a city-owned lot 75 feet from my building. I've been told that my apartment in Brooklyn, New York might be $3000.00 a month or more. ($4000.00?)
     I simply can't get over that. It's so alien to me. This is why I sometimes feel like it's a different country. I recognize the thrill of living in a city like San Fransisco, what with all it's nightlife and so forth. But, brother, Cleveland has nightlife too. It's just more subtle. We have gobs of arts and culture; much more than people realize. Also, Cleveland has trees and space; much more than most cities. This city is really a huge forest with stores, houses and buildings built inside it. According to out-of-towners, that's what's distinctive about Northeast Ohio. Also, it's cheap as all get out to live here.
     But everybody is different and wants different things out of life. So, there you go.