American Service. Getting Better?

     Page One Hundred Eighty-Nine.
     In the last few months, I've had to come to terms with a computer and phone being on hospice care simultaneously. It's always difficult when electronica is on its deathbed. Friends and family try to be supportive, but really, they don't know what to do. They bring over food. They offer to take you out... just to be among people. Your truest and dearest friends even offer to come over and keep you company while you're caring for the item in question. But ultimately, every computer and phone were made to die. The question is... when? That's just God's will.
     In my case, I had to go purchase a new computer 9 days ago and a new phone 4 days ago. I'm surprised I didn't need intensive inpatient psycho-therapy. They used to refer to it as a "nervous breakdown" but you rarely hear that term anymore. Not sure why, but I digress.
     Here's the most interesting detail of the entire experience: while purchasing the items, both sales-people tried to save me money. I went to Microcenter, showed the guy what I thought I wanted, then answered his question: "What do you really use your computer for?" After a few minutes of conversation, he said, "Get this one. It's cheaper." It was. In fact, it was $120.00 cheaper than the one I'd initially picked out. I was pleasantly surprised.
     Then, I went to T-Mobile. He also asked me what I needed from my phone. I told him. "Go to Target. They have what you're looking for cheaper than we do. Then bring it back and I'll set it up." Boy, was I shocked, as was the Target employee when I told her.
     Now, really, neither of those situations constitute a globally improved American service scene. In that, I waited in 4 different lines in Microcenter prior to exiting. Each an average of 15 minutes or so. Happily, there was no line in Target and the 2 lines in T-Mobile were each under 5 minutes. That tells me that Target and T-Mobile were staffed properly, but not so, Microcenter. I went there on President's Day and they told me that they weren't expecting any unusual crowd. They were staffed for a normal Monday. In fact, they'd been doing inventory the night before until 3AM. Subsequently, much regular staff was happily home, sound asleep, dreaming about girls, pizzas, fast cars and beaches.
     But still, I was terribly impressed by how badly those 2 guys wanted to save me money. It was like the scene in the classic Christmas movie, "Miracle on 34th Street". Except, instead of Santa telling the lady where to get the right firetruck, it was 2 guys just trying to save me some serious bucks. How glorious.

Brussels Sprouts

     Page One Hundred Eighty-Eight.
     How can one food insight such violence in people as Brussels Sprouts? Kids almost always hate them. Many adults feel them to be the devil's food. But in fact, if you ask, many will admit to never even having tried them. They've "heard" how yucky they are. So there!
     Also, Br-Sprouts suffer from being one of those foods which many people simply don't know what to do with. They look at them in the grocery store and wonder what far away galaxy they arrived from so many trillions of years ago. 
     Or worse yet, some adults have childhood memories of mushy, tan-green, gruesome, zombie food on their dinner plates which they were then guilted into eating. "Don't you know how many starving people on Park Avenue would be happy to have that?!?!"
     I was never exposed to them during my childhood so I really have no association, either positive or negative. During my 20's, while a live-in nanny, they were occasionally prepared by the respective families I worked for. I tasted them and liked them very much. It was during my 30's and preparing them myself, with mixed success, that I began realizing one major problem. There's no food which tastes more different, fresh or frozen then Sprouts. Frozen Sprouts are one of the vilest foods on this or any other planet. And I've visited many solar systems in my lifetime. I know.
     Just to clarify, I'm perfectly fine with most frozen foods. Mixed vegetables, chicken nuggets, Stouffer's mac 'n cheese... I'm really okay with most of it. But over the years I've realized that frozen Br-Sprouts rate desperately low, right down there with frozen waffles, on the yum-yum scale. Meaning: they're awful. Just terrible. Horrible, in fact. And I don't know why.
      I'm not aware that Birdseye or Green Giant processes them differently than, say, corn or peas. But for some unknown reason, when cooked up from frozen, Brussels Sprouts are bitter, vomit-like zombie food. When prepared from fresh, though, the identical vegetable is sweet, crisp, citrucy-bright and cheerful like a May sunrise over evergreen mountains. And that's BEFORE you add the Lawry's seasoned salt and olive oil.
     Which brings me to my final theory on their unpopularity: Many people born post-1950 have only ever tried them from frozen. Let's be honest... it's probably true. The American working class and middle-class have relied heavily on frozen for many of their vegetables for much of the last 60+ years. I think the very likely possibility of exposure only to Br-Sprouts straight from the deep freeze may be contributing heavily to it's unwarranted pariah status. They're just that bad.
     If you are one of the legions who hate them, try them fresh sometime. And now they even have them pre-sliced in microwaveable bags. Simply cut open the bag, sprinkle on your Lawry's, pour on your olive oil, then re-seal the bag and micro. Oh my Lordy, they're happy.

On Selling Matzo Ball Soup At An Art Opening

     Page One Hundred Eighty-Seven.
     Last night, I was a vendor at an art opening at one of our local colleges. For the past 10 years or so, I've helped out in an organizational capacity at this annual affair. Also, in the past I've handed out my food as free samples at the event. The college has always reimbursed me for the cost of supplies and I get wonderful exposure. This year they suggested that enough people know me by now that I should try to sell my stuff. So I showed up with soup in hand. Lots of soup to be exact. Being February in Cleveland, can you think of anything better? I ended up selling 11 & 1/2 quarts of my homemade Matzo Ball soup... a virtual sell out. Very nice.

A Hindu Beef-Eater

     Page One hundred Eighty-Six.
     My Indian roommate has changed his tune. I've mentioned before that he will eat beef. Well, it turns out that he's only eaten beef once before in his life. That was a hamburger in London's Heathrow airport on his way to America last December. While eating that burger, Raja couldn't figure out what all the fuss was about. It was dry, dull and dead. He made up his mind right then and there that beef was a Western mystery which would confuse him for the rest of his life.
     When he told me this story, I said, "well, no wonder? It was an airport burger." I proceeded to explain airport food in general and specifically: quality (or lack of), freshness (or lack of) juiciness (or lack of) and flavor (or lack of). He sort of gave me the benefit of the doubt, but not entirely.
     Last weekend, for the Superbowl, I made boatloads of food, including BBQ Beef. I told him that BBQ Beef is a rather typical Superbowl food and great quantities of it would be consumed that evening. Raja admitted that it did look good in the pot; and after the first bite he was hooked. He enjoyed it very much. I think he's interested in trying a steak now.
     I hate to be someone who corrupts somebody away from their religious dietary restrictions, but he clearly wasn't very religious in the first place and he told me so. So it's not entirely my fault.
     Incidentally, one of the best burgers I've ever had in my life was at JFK in New York City. It was the summer of 1989 and I was returning home from summer school in Israel. I'd been there for 8 weeks and their beef sucked the big one. At least the beef that I had was gruesome. It was just awful. I don't know if things have changed, but at the time, Israel's beef had a justifiably terrible reputation. You want some wonderful fresh veggies? Israel's your place. Just don't order the beef. And on top of that, you simply cannot get a cheeseburger in Israel for religious dietary restrictions. (No dairy product may be consumed with any animal flesh according to the Torah.) So I was seriously craving a really greasy, gooey cheeseburger by the time I left that country which has other strengths, just not beef.
     During my lay-over in JFK I disembarked from the plane, walked over to the nearest burger stand and placed my order. I watched them make it. My mouth was moistening like a leaky Hoover Dam. I  sat down and inhaled that thing. It was glorious. It was much greater proof of God than any Torah study class I'd attended in my ancestor's homeland, of which there were many. (After arriving in Jerusalem, as an after thought, I enrolled in Torah study classes at Aish Ha'Torah, a very famous yeshivah or seminary with world-wide satellite campuses.) That burger was glorious.