On Craving A Burger

     Page Two Hundred Fifty-Seven.

     Have I ever mentioned the fact that I could live on hamburgers? I just love nice, greasy, ketchupy, oniony hamburgers. Don't ever give me a veggie burger and expect me to accept it as the real thing. It isn't. If you say to me: "Jeremy, here's a veggie burger which is just exactly that: a veggie burger", then I'll be fine with it. I'll know that you're not trying to mess with my mind by giving me an imitation. But if you tell me to come over for a "cookout with all the normal things" and I show up drooling, and you give me a turkey burger, I'll start crying. I may only cry to myself and smile ingratiatingly at you, but I'll still be crying on the inside, none-the-less.
     Let me tell of the best burger I've ever had in my life.
     In 1989, I went to summer school in Jerusalem. The Israeli burgers sucked. They may or may not be any better today, but in '89 they were just awful. Dry, gray, cardboard is one way to describe them. Imagine McDonald's on a particularly bad day. Allegedly, it was because Israel doesn't have any cows, so everything has to be imported. Shipping costs are prohibitive, so they primarily get cut-rate stuff. By the way, Israel, '89, is when and where I first heard the international urban legend of America, Australia and Argentina having the best inexpensive beef. Meaning: you can go anywhere in the world and pay top dollar to get great stuff. But where can you go, pay less, but still get a decent beef meal? Brother, it sure ain't Israel. Rather it's the three "A's". We have tons 'o cows and space for them to roam. Seems like since the '90's I've heard that Brazil has good, cheap beef too.
     And in Israel you can forget about cheeseburgers. It's against kosher dietary laws to mix any milk product with any meat product in the same meal. This is a topic I've talked about in prior blogs. So, no drippy cheddar with lettuce/tomato or stretchy mozzarella atop those sauteed mushrooms/onions. Just toss that concept right out of your third floor window and watch it go "splat" on the sidewalk.
     So, by the time I was on the return plane, in late-August, after an unsuccessful school experience, I was dying for the greasiest burger or cheeseburger you can imagine. When I landed at JFK on that sunny afternoon, the first thing I did after retrieving my backpack and going to the bathroom was finding the nearest burger stand and ordering a cheeseburger with the works. After a short search I found a stand. It wasn't a chain restaurant either. It was, like, "JFK International Airport Brand Grease-Burgers". MY GOD it was good. The best burger I've ever had in my life. Lots of gooey cholesterol dripping down my fingers and chin; a strong flavor of sodium and beef; an oversized bleached-flour casket in which the thing lie. It was glorious. I was never so grateful for America in my life.
     Well...
     Last July (2013) I went on a diet and have really changed how and what I eat. I lost weight and have kept most of it off. (Lost 22, put 7 back on, lost 2 more so still down 17. Would still like to loose 10 pounds or 1 more inch around my waist.) Here-in lies the problem: no regular splurges of burgers, much as I might crave 'em. A grease-burger occasionally? Who cares. But nothing regular. And I really could have burgers 3-4 days per week and be giddy with delight. I love them that much.
     Perhaps because it's summer and I smell neighbors' grills.